I’ve never used this so here goes nothing. I was doing good… you know? I was actually quite satisfied with life for a few months. No mad depressive moods, no suicidal a thougjts or wanting to die, no extreme mood swings. It’s back again. I felt I was doing better but it’s back again. And this is why my anger for my answers lie… I don’t deserve this. I never did. What do I do with my anger? I sit and cry but sometimes wish them death. Does it ever stop? This depression?
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Hi @Missunderstood and welcome to Heartsupport.
Thank you for posting here, its nice to meet you. Im sorry that it feels like after months of feeling good, of feeling happier and seemingly enjoying life that this dark cloud of depression has slowly returned and I get it, I get that, that would make you angry. It would frustrate the heck out of me too, you work hard on getting past it, you try and struggle and you think you have done it and then just when you kind of let your guard down bang its back.
NO you absolutely do not deserve it at all, of course not, I don’t think anyone deserve it, everyone including you deserves to be happy and content. Is there any reason that you can think of that could have made you start to feel this way again? (you do not have to tell us, I am asking as it would be something to work on)
Im sorry you sit and cry, its a very sad thought that anyone sits alone and cries, this is why we do this, so no one feels alone.
As for does the depression ever stop? Friend, its different for everyone. I would encourage you to go and chat to your doctor if you are worried its all getting too much and see if you can get some help. I am sure this will pass just as it did before, maybe focus on that just for now. We are here for you anytime you need some support. I hope all goes well. Much Love lisa x
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Thank you for replying your message was lovely. Well, I’m in a HEALTHIER relationship than before but my partner doesn’t make me feel heard. When I’m about to tell him how I feel it’s ‘get out of your feelings’ or say he says ‘I don’t want the headache’… we’ve been together 9 months and I want to give up but my therapist has said it may just take time. Also, I don’t live with my family anymore so it’s hard living alone. There’s been a lot that’s happened it’s too long for me to write right now.
I have been to the doctors about my depression, I was taking pills but even then my depression was so bad. All the abuse, trauma from the past has caught up to me especially doing therapy. I just want to give up at times.
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I do understand the want to just give up, sometimes its all just “enough” It does sound like you really have had a tough time of it all and im so sorry. I would love you to stay part of this community if you can, we have a discord channel and twitch channel where you can spend time with others so you dont feel so alone, we gatther in chat on twitch and we have some great chats about mental health and we also have some good fun, everyone is kind and very friendly, ill leave you a link if you fancy trying it. I am often there. Therapy does bring so much to the forefront, I guess thats the point but it doesnt help in the moment when you then leave and go home on your own. those are the times when twitch chat would be perfect for you. I really would love to see you there. xx
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I appreciate your support and understanding. Thank you I will have a look
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Hi Missunderstood,
thank you for sharing, thank you for being here. Welcome to Heart Support.
does depression ever ends ? it is like those rain clouds that can follow you. some times more some times not.
even when we think its gone, it is still coming back.
since i am in therapy, i wished that it gets easier at this point, but the last depression episodes were quite hard for
me to overcome. and i always start to question everything then. i hate myself for that.
you know that it gets better, but you don’t see it in those moments. in those times.
you deserve happiness, you deserve to be in that healthy relationship. for others its often hard to understand or even accept how we are feeling when we have these attacks. the more you learn about it, the more your partner
can learn. i hope that he is accepting you the way you deserve it. the way you love him.
keep up all of that, you do great so far. we are here for you, anytime you need someone. 
you are loved my friend and you matter most ! feel hugged
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