I’m sorry you’re feeling so discouraged. I can relate to comparing yourself so much. It’s hard not to. It’s human nature! It’s really not a compelling. It’s so easy for me to say, and there’s more complexity to it. I just hope you believe that all that can be asked of you is to do your best. Feelings are going to be more complicated. Take it slow, one day at a time. The mental health journey is never straight.
I don;t believe in “get over it.”
But believe it, your’e awesome the way you are. Being a person who compares yourself to others and all. You are already awesome and your personality does not need to change.
You are definitely not stupid for having a hard time. We all do sometimes, and it only makes us human. You are not guilty for struggling. How you feel is valid - always.
I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling like a failure lately. It’s really hard to feel like there’s something inherently wrong with us, as individuals, something that would make it impossible to be happy and live a fulfilling life.
When I feel very vulnerable, I fall in this trap of comparing myself to others as well. It always brings the same perception: everyone else is having a better life than me. Which is objectively not true, but still the reflection of the pain I’m feeling at the moment. It shows how much there’s a difference between who we aspire to be and how we perceive ourselves. It’s painful to realize that, but it’s also very important to keep in mind that, in those moments of raw vulnerability, we’re more inclined to see the glass half-empty, to acknowledge all the things we don’t have, all the things we’ve never done instead of what we actually own and all the strength within us. Truth is, yes, we are not perfect and we have good reasons to not be satisfied with our life sometimes. But everyone experiences those feelings from time to time. Everyone feels lost sometimes. Everyone carries their own burdens and hurt. It’s just not always visible or said. Others are not better or less than you. They just have a different life and are going through their own journey in this wild world.
“Getting over it” is not a magical formula - and it can be very frustrating to hear that again and again when you don’t know how to get there, yet are willing to try. @antigonerex shared a very good exercise, and I’ll echo our friend here by encouraging you to give it a try. It’s a way to take some time to reflect on yourself and learn to be more fair in the way you’re picturing your life right now.
There are certainly things to change, indeed, because this feeling that you have of being worthless is here for valid reasons. But at the same time, it’s okay to take some time to be honest with yourself and find some clarity between what is objectively right, and what are the lies you’re believing in. Because those lies will only be obstacles for your own growth in the long run. You are not worthless. But it makes sense to feel lost right now. So take it easy. Babysteps, as “they” say. You can’t figure out everything instantly. Learning to know yourself, what are your expectations and how to reach your goals is a lifelong process. We’re all works in progress in our own ways, and that’s okay.
Hey Jake1, Feelings aren’t stupid, they’re feelings. I’ve felt, so many times, that my ‘feelings’ were stacking up on me. Stacking up so much that, it seemed like there was too much pain to deal with, and that took me to some dark places. Looking at everyone around you, and constructing their happy lives in your head is not going to make you feel better either. The ONLY life you can really be sure of is your own, and though others seem happy to you, you can’t really know that for sure. It’s not like we don’t want others to be happy, but … why does happiness elude us? … I encourage you to take this time to look inside of Jake. Get to know yourself, and if you can, try to look at yourself from the point of another person. If you had a friend that was feeling the way you do, what would you say to your friend? We all Have to be our own best friend, especially when we’re in a bad place, it’s the time to show ourselves compassion. You’re beating yourself up, for so much, but I think when you give yourself a little compassion and time to work on being much more gentle on yourself, you may feel differently… please keep reaching out.
Let me tell ya, that is a common struggle. We can’t help but to do it, we’re only human. As cliche as it sounds, there is a lot more out there that you haven’t experienced or done yet. Sometimes even people with the most in their life have experienced or done very little. I won’t tell you to stop doing it or get over it, because at 33, I catch myself still doing it sometimes. It’s usually in those moments that I have to bring myself back from that place. It takes work, but it helps.
You’re not being stupid, I promise. Don’t give up. Keep talking to us, we’ve got your back.
“Get over it” is one of the most hurtful things people have ever told me, too. I understand that you need to keep holding on. Also, when there is no light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to adjust your eyes and find your way in the dark because things in life barely ever change for the better.