I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m a nurse and my job causes too much stress and anxiety but I worked so hard to get here that I feel like a disappointment. My whole life is a nightmare being forced to live at my mother in laws house is a disaster. I have an absolute beautiful baby boy who keeps me sane but sometimes I can’t handle it because he is the only reason I am alive. I often think about my previous attempts to end my life and how it would’ve been better if they were successful because now I’m stuck on this earth due to my love for my child. I feel like I shouldn’t feel this way and I can’t handle all this stress and anxiety and frustration. I wish I wasn’t me, and I wish I wasn’t here anymore.
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Do you think my child would ever forgive me, if I did?
Hello @Pooteeta. I care about people. I browse this site in my free time and I see what you’re saying. I can’t just keep scrolling, when I read into somebody’s reality like I just have. I must admit, you’re situation is above my level of expertise and I look forward to seeing someone who is more skilled than I to approach this conversation. I care about you. I want you to know that I feel you and I hear you and I want you to be safe and be smart. Don’t let your circumstances or feelings consume you. You need to talk to somebody and I mean a face-to-face encounter. Either a loved one or a trained professional. Do not feed or even give attention to the dark, negative thoughts. Find positivity on here, in people, books, music, podcasts, whatever you have at your disposal.
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Hi friend.
I’m sorry that you are carrying so much weight in your shoulders right now with all of the anxiety, stress and hurt. I can only imagine how hard it must be to feel stuck or trapped in a job place that you’re not happy with or passionate about. And how hard it must be to feel like you will let everyone down if you need to step down.
I also know how hard it can be to live with in-laws. As I didn’t get along well with my ex husbands family. But NOT because I didn’t want to or didn’t like them, they didn’t like me. They didn’t like that I had physical and mental health issues. They felt their son could do better. Living with others, even if you do get along with them can be hard. Especially if you have kids. In can feel invasive and be difficult without privacy. So I’m sorry that you are having to face those challenges right now.
I can tell you right now that this world wouldn’t be better off without you. And your child would miss you terribly.
Is it possible that maybe getting into therapy could help you find some guidance? Maybe someone who can help you get on some anti depressants or anti anxiety to help battle some of this? I know not everyone likes the idea of medication. I didn’t either. But it can help if paired with the right therapist. Maybe they can help you find a way to better connect with yourself and your field of work. To somehow find a way for you to feel fulfilled in life.
I’m sorry if none of this is helpful. Sometimes it’s hard finding the right words. But I wanted you to know that I read your post. I hear you. I see you. I care. I hope and pray my friend that you are able to find peace within yourself and strength to keep going even when it’s hard.
Stay strong
- Kitty
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