I want to thank you taylor a drive around listenin

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Negative One by Slipknot
I want to thank you Taylor a drive around listening while I do my job to you and isometimes I the things ou say bring up a lot in my past which is constantly just berating me and telling me that’s who I am like you are talking about this and I hate it and I’m a recovering drug addict and I still have my struggles and stuff but I’m disgusted with the past I’m disgusted with the things I’ve done and I kind of hate who I am but I put on a smile and say I’m good stuff but it always bubbles up and I know it’s not who I am but sometimes I feel like I can’t wash it off you know I feel dirty on the inside I don’t know but listening to you it’s like bringing you know 50 years old now and I’m I’m thinking about things that happen when I was 20 something and it’s stuff I don’t want to get you on the internet but I don’t know I went to a doctor one time and I was trying to get off of pain pills and he put me on Suboxone and then he told me I had something called schizoaffective disorder which I don’t even know what that is and basically overall addiction problems and seasonal affect disorderbut I don’t you know I understand what you’re saying here I’m accountable for who I am now and what I do but you know I’m also managed depressive so I will start my days off sometimes so happy like really manic energetic and then I get all the sudden I don’t know where all things s***does happiness isn’t real because as soon as it’s going to be way way way way way low way down and this is when all the thoughts come back and the tears flow I hate it

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Hey! Thanks for sharing with us some of your journey and what you have been going through. I think it is important that you stay grounded in the moment and try to make the best of yourself/your situation in the now. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have learned from your past, but the past you is not the current you. The current you can be whoever you chose to make yourself. You can feel confident in who you are now, regardless of if you were not as a good a person in the past. As far as the diagnosis go, and the things you are experiencing with your mania/depression. I think that if it’s available to you, it might be in your best interest to try to find a Mental Health Professional who can help guide you in the right direction in managing the symptoms you are going through. I do think personally that being content is the true end game. As for every high, there will be a low. Trying to stay level and balanced, for me, helps prevent too many lows, but that also means there are less highs. Which I am okay with. Not sure if that helps at all, but I just wanted to respond and hope you are having an okay day today. Wish you the best of luck in your journey, and feel free to share more if you ever want/need. <3

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Hey friend, really appreciate what you shared and can relate to so much of it. I recorded a video reply ~7m here: Video reply: I want to thank you taylor a drive around listening | Loom

You are courageous. You are living out defiant hope. You are writing a meaningful story.

-nate, heartsupport staff