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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to The Tale of Jenny and Screech by Ren
I was 8 when I was used like a toy by a 16 year old girl I know it ain’t a old man or whatever but I was 8 I shouldn’t have been locked in a room with her. I’m 30 now and I’ve realised during my childhood I was SA’d more than 6 times and because it happened when I was 8 I thought it was normal and to this day I don’t really want anyone touching me unless I’m extremely close.
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Hey there.
First, I want to thank you for sharing your experience. SA is SA. It does not matter the age of either party or the situation or circumstances. I am so sorry you experienced that. You shouldn’t have and you didn’t deserve it. I am glad you are aware that what happened was not appropriate and you no longer see it as “normal.” It is completely understandable that you struggle with physical contact with others now. Have you talked to anyone in your life or professionally about what you went through? I hope you continue to heal from this experience so that it does not continue to weigh on you so heavily. You do not deserve to carry that burden and certainly not by yourself. We are here for you at heart support anytime you need an outlet.
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I had very similar experiences when I was about that age. I was always told it was “playing doctor” and not to tell anyone because it’s a secret game. And I 100% agree that it becomes a thing you think is normal. It wasn’t until about 14 to 15 years old (the SA was no longer happening) I realized it wasn’t a normal thing. And it was so weird, demoralizing, heart breaking, mind breaking, angering, saddening, and about every other emotion when I realized that. It took me many years of alcohol abuse, hypersexuality, some drug abuse before I matured enough to realize I was using those things to fill the voids left by that trauma among other trauma as well. I’ve learned to accept now that at that age my life was not my own and the things that happened were not my fault. It still messes with me from time to time but I’m now able to breathe and meditate through it and move on rather than wallow in the self pity I used to. I hope you can one day find the same peace that I have, and that now you have control over your own life and the things that happen to you! Much love