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Belongs to: Therapist Analyzes the identity of Sleep Token - Granite
I was in a 2 years, off and in relationship back in highschool. To this day, 10 years later, that trauma still effects me. This song describes what I felt perfectly.
Dude isn’t it crazy that pain can haunt us? That there are some parts of our past that are just fucking gnarly. It’s like a ghost we can’t shake, like a shackle we can’t break out of. Even when we’ve passed so much time, so many miles, we’re not the same person we were. It’s so brutal that our past is…IN us.
I’m sorry about that friend. I know what it’s like to hope for change for a decade and it still not come. To earnestly seek healing and it not come. There’s a unique low you get when you just. can’t. get. a. break through.
But I also think there’s a unique beauty that comes with long pain. There’s something that breaks in us about the idea of perfection in life, perfection in ourselves, and it forces us to look at the beauty in the “in between”. The beauty in surviving. In strength. In courage to try again. In vulnerability to be broken and still accept ourselves. In the connection we find in our brokenness to others.
There is beauty in your story.
It sounds like the relationship you mentioned here was so very significant for you and there is no doubt that its impact keeps being present in its own ways. Through these two years with this person, you must have created some maningful memories, shared sparks of life that were ingniting life within. Losing this relationship, this person, and everything that it represented must have been heartbreaking. And even though it stops, the heads keeps thinking about it, the memories keep being present, the heart still love sometimes too.
It’s hard when it feels like you know something happened but just doesn’t follow with the course of event. It’s almost as if it needs an update somehow, like different parts of you were stuck in different timelines. And you see it all from within, you experience it as a whole. Ten years have passed and you know it, still sometimes it must feel like it all took place yesterday.
Personally, this experience you describe is something very relatable to me, with a different story and circumstances of course. Somehow, it always amazes me and scares me to witness how my heart can feel things as if it was happening all over again. To notice that pain, nostalgia, longing are those intense sensations that live on a continuum. It’s hard sometimes to accept it, to not feel like you’d be crazy, that somehow you “should be over it”. Although there is no timeline to healing, and when the pain feels vivid again, it can be seen as an invitation to take care of yourself, of your heart, of your soul. To be gentle, patient, and to listen to what’s inside of you.
I hope that, little by little, you will find your own sense of peace, maybe closure - however that can look like for you -, and that you know overall that how you feel makes sense. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to ackonwledge wounds that we keep carrying. We can only to be more kind to ourselves in response to it. 
Thank you so much for sharing how you relate to this song. Even though we talk and share about pain, it’s beautiful to see how much music can echo parts of your own heart and soul. It brings a strange, comforting validation somehow - that you are not crazy for feeling that way. That your emotions and personal journey are always a profound expression of your own humanity.