This is a topic from INSTAGRAM. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on Instagram.
Belongs to: HeartSupport_Fans Content #2564
I was in a relationship for 6 years. I was a very dark, negative and impossible person to love but I pushed the love of my life away. Between being in the Army as a medic and working in correctional facilities - my anxiety, depression and PTSD literally ate me alive. The past 10 years I have pushed 95% of the people around me away, including my own family. I will never get those years or moments back and it disgusts me to my core to this day. I am in therapy and on medication that is truly helping me but after years of refusing to get the help I needed desperately, the damage is done.
Oh friend, I am so proud of you. I’m so proud of you for beginning therapy and medication and starting on the path to healing. It sounds like that voice of “what if I started this sooner, what if I just got help right away, what would be different” is really present. The truth is that those “what if’s” only discount the bravery and dedication you are showing now to get help. And although you can’t change those 10 years, you can change today and it sounds like you already are. My encouragement is to have compassion for yourself, because I do. It sounds like you were in an immense amount of pain, and went through some traumatic and challenging situations and that takes a toll on you. When we’re in a state of constant fight or flight, we aren’t always able to respond in the way that we wish we would have but as we heal we can rebuild our internal world and our external world as well. You deserve to forgive yourself, because it doesn’t sound like you are the same person you were then and it sounds like that person was in a lot of pain and deserves some love.