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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Daddy By Korn
I was molested for 5 years, from the age of 7 to 12, by my uncle, I never told anyone until I was 28, and it definitely did fucking ruin my life, I have no belief in God, because why would he let that happen to an innocent child, he completely destroyed my childhood, didn’t tell anyone because I knew I wouldn’t be believed, when I finally did speak out to my parents, only my mother believed me. It resulted in me hating my father (it was his brother that molested me) until the day he died and furthermore.
Thank you so much for sharing these parts of your story here. Spending all of these years in silence must have felt incredibly disheartening and isolating. I’ve personally experienced many years being on survival mode before being able to name my own traumas, and somehow these years were all about surviving and pushing through. But once you start realizing and processing what truly happened to you, life seems to take such a different turn. It forces you to re-read your story all over again under a different light, and that freaking hurts. People you used to trust seems not trustworthy anymore, the world you’ve learned to somehow navigate in feels so much more unsafe… In these moments, we hope for people close to us to be ready to hear us out and listen to our pain… but sometimes we are met with denial, dismissal or ignorance, which hurts even more in return.
I’m really sorry that your father did not believe you when you had the courage to speak up about what happened to you. You did what was right by talking about the sexual abuse you’ve suffered. You spoke the truth, shared your pain and vulnerability, and invited your parents to be a part of this healing with you. It was absolutely courageous of you to talk about it. Somehow, denial can be such an incredible force of destruction when we face it firsthand. It was absolutely normal and understandable of you to expect another reaction from your dad. To expect to be believed, heard and supported by the very people in this world who are supposed to care for you and protect you. It makes sense to have felt hatred towards him, and to have carried this anger with you throughout the years. You couldn’t guess their reactions, and you couldn’t be prepared for it.
I relate to how much sexual trauma impacts our life as we grow up and learn to navigate in this world, as well as to build our own identity. It’s hard to feel like there is life beyond it. That our traumas are not everything we are and are not going to condition the rest of our future. Hard to believe this when the pain and fear feels so overwhelming, casting its shadow over every aspect of our life. Although our traumas are not our identity - for we are so much more than what happened to us. You, my friend, are so much more than what your uncle did to you. You have breath in your lungs and a unique spark in you that not even him could ever extinguish. It shines so brightly, even if it’s hard to see it from where you are. For what it’s worth from a stranger online: I see you. I see this light in you. I don’t know why on Earth a God would ever allow things like this to happen, but I am convinced that we are stronger than what happened to us, and we can thrive with so much more love than the hate they could ever had against us. You are not broken. You are not defeated. And you are not alone.
