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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Daddy By Korn
I was never severely abused, but I was touched inappropriately when I was 9 years old. I never opened up to my parents… because I knew I would be called a liar and punished severely.
It’s so hard to talk about it, and it makes sense that fear has prevailed over letting your parents know. There are so many barriers when it comes to opening up about sexual abuse - of any kind -, so many fears that come at play too. We don’t want to bother others, we don’t want to be told that we lie, we dont want to be punished for speaking out, we don’t want to hurt others and make them worry about us… So many fears and doubts can arise and prevent us from asking for support when we need it.
You were so young on top of it, and it’s understandable that the perspective of potentially not being trusted would have been even more painful to you. It’s frightening and utterly paralyzing, especially when it’s about your own parents. You want them to hear you out and believe you, not to question the truth you would share so vravely.
At the time, you were protecting yourself from being hurt even more, even though you absolutely deserved to be heard and supported - and you still do. Somehow, when you don’t speak up you are trying to preserve your sense of safety. And you need it so much after being touched by someone inappropriately. You were leaning towards more safety during a time when you were feeling deeply vulnerable.
To me personally, opening up about being abused as a child was met with dismissal, which made me feel like I couldn’t even trust my mom anymore. It has made me silent about what I’ve been through for way too long as a result. It wasn’t wrong at all to talk in the first place, but it’s difficult to be met with any kind of rejection, and to deal with how it affects us even years after. It’s the kind of thing that leaves a mark on you even if you’d rather not think about it.
Know that a stranger out there is proud of you for surviving and choosing to speak up today, even if it’s not to your parents directly. You are heard and understood, but even more you are absolutely believed. What you’ve been through was not okay, not to be dismissed or considered as not important enough. It’s okay to talk about it now and it matters because YOU matter. Your voice is a strength and a tool that you are more than allowed to use.
Thank you for sharing about this part of your story, friend. I hope one day you will have the possibility to connect with you parents in a different way regarding this, if you feel like it would still be some kind of missing piece in your present. In any case, you did what you could with the means that you had, and you can be proud of yourself for showing your vulnerable self today. It’s not taken for granted. On the contrary, it is an expression of how strong and brave you are. Hod Fast. 