The one thing I keep forgetting to mention in my posts about having feelings for my friends. I’m woundering did like her for the wrongs reasons.
At first I try just to br friends with her, she has a boyfriend and feel don’t want to make a mess. Then my co worker kept telling how she has feelings for you. Then my mom was forcing me to be a date to my sister wedding. Everyone was telling that she had Romantic for feeling, which I do but felt I was mental get crazy by everyone.
It was there felt it was alot driving to different states to see her, but would spend the whole day skateboarding, going get food and going some local shows. I even got close with her friends and it alot fun. But I felt did not get much gas money ( she chip in alittle.) I feel the drive was mostly an issue. It was kinda the boyfriend without the sex.
To be fair she did pay for own meals at time, would let her water , telling have more self worth, would tell it okay to be a virgin and believe in my skateboarding. She also gave some skate wheels
I did do alot favor for her, part was because I wanna too. Cause I love her and tear her good.
Part me feel use, but I get anger about it and cause use in the past.I get paranoid that she lie to me and I’m hurt intense about it.
However, I do like it fuck up me to think way. In someway I was lying to her as friend. I use tell my girlfriends that I did this for you and you don’t care about me. Honestly, I was kinda hoping she would ethier break up with her boyfriend or have an open relationship. I also want to lose my V card to her. In way I would hang out with her because I just female friend and I was afraid her leaving me. I got clingy and I’m still clingy, I depend my self worth on her. In someone I kinda demand her to make me happy and give me self worth.
I hoping that she why she left me, cuase it was not she use me or tha she hated me, I hope she be friends. That also bring selfish too, I should just let go. But I can’t