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Belongs to: HeartSupport_Fans Content #2564
I was stationed in Japan for 4 years and lost several friends and a grandmother that I couldn’t be there for their funerals, due to covid not allowing military personnel to leave the country. It pains me everyday knowing I wasn’t there
Oh friend, this must have been such a heartbreaking experience for you. Losing people you love at a significant time of your life and being physically separated from them. These restrictions have prevented you from saying goodbye and potentially find some closure at the time. It’s awful when something so important was robbed away from you like this. It makes completely sense to feel like you keep carrying this pain and regrets with you. It should have been so very different.
I hope that you manage to hold on to the fact that this was not your fault/in your control, and not being present at their funerals does not make you a bad friend nor a bad grandson. You did not fail them in any way by not being there at the time. You have only been dealt with circumstances that you couldn’t change - unfair circumstances but also ones that were not your responsibility at the time. You have without any doubt a lot of love for them that still deserves to be expressed, and what happened will never shake the reality and strength of this affection. It is very real, very present, and there’s no physical or time distance that will ever erase it.
It must feel like such a loss of opportunity and I’m really sorry that you’ve been left with this need to compose with it just as you can. If I may ask, have you been able to travel since then? Or maybe, to have your very own/personal ritual that could support you in saying a proper goodbye to them – one that you get to choose and define your own way?
My heart goes out to you as you process all of this. You matter very much.
@heartsupport ty so much you have no idea how much this helps me