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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Cemetery Gates by Pantera
I wasn’t able to cry when my brother died. I had to be strong for my mother. Months after his funeral she accused me of never loving my brother because I didn’t cry.
Hey friend. This sounds so so difficult and I am beyond sorry you had to go through this moment.
Feeling the need to be the rock for people but having that weaponized against you, i imagine, feels a bit like you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. And that has to be frustrating and defeating. I am so sorry.
I identify pretty hard with this situation. My dad was a real “suck it up” person. He never let his emotions show. He just took it all. So I learned to also do the same. Because my emotions as a kid made him uncomfortable. So i just hid stuff. But i also learned to do something he did - bottle things up until i exploded.
I felt i was expected to keep everything inside but then when I couldnt do it anymore, i was also the bad guy. It was unfair. But i blamed me. I blamed myself. And started to really dislike myself.
So i can absolutely identify with what you’re talking about here. I think that, personally, its an expectation that society puts on us. Once my therapist asked “but who is asking you to take everyone’s pain and not let yours out”
And i said “everyone”
And they said “No, but who in your life”
My answer was my parents. But i was 28 years old. And that’s when it sort started to sink in. I needed to unpack some of my stuff.
And 4 years later im still unpacking. But it’s been worth it so far.
I dont know if any of this means anything to you. But i want to share my story as a way to tell you that you deserve to feel. You deserve to have emotions, to express them in healthy ways, to cry at your brothers funeral. You’re a human being, not a porous rock meant to absorb the worlds woes without any of your own.
And I hope you find relief. Ill be thinking of you friend. You deserve kindness from within and without.
Hold fast.