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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Daddy By Korn
I went through a similar experience to what Johnathan Davis went through having been raped by a babysitter. In my case, it was my (at the time) step sister. She constantly taunted me because I was awkward (later found to be AuDHD) and effeminate (I now identify as bisexual). She forced me to wear makeup and look at myself in the mirror. She made me take off all of my clothes and then shamed me for it. Nearly forty years later, it still hurts me very deeply and angers me to my core.
This is some trauma work I haven’t done yet…among many repressed memories that now, so many years later, are bubbling to the surface.
Thanks for being brave to post something difficult to HeartSupport. Anyone that rapes someone without their consent, it’s a horrible person. It’s awesome for you to figure out your own sexual orientation because I’m a queer too. Why is this person even a babysitter? That’s pretty messed up the things that mentioned. A babysitter shouldn’t not be in your personal business but instead take care of you. Did you ever explain the babysitter issues with your parents? If I was parent and figured out your babysitter did this to you, I will immediately fired them. That’s out boundaries for this babysitter.
It takes many years for people to heal from their trauma. I have moved on my past but it still lingers once in a while. I told myself that is the in the past focus on living the present. I totally agree that trauma is hard to work on. I hope someday your find peace your past.
I’m sorry that you had to experience this. I’m so glad you reached out and shared your experience because when we start talking about traumatic experiences that cause us to feel shame , those experiences lose their power over us. Shame cannot exist when we bring it into the light so the more you address it and get help with dealing with it, the more empowered you will be! It can be confusing and difficult when memories bubble to the surface, but maybe that means you are ready to face them, realize you were not at fault , and learn to overcome them. You are strong and resilient and worthy of respect and love. You’ve taken a big step and I want you to know you are not alone and this is a safe place for you! I know you will grow stronger as you work through this. We are here to support you!
Hey, thank you so much for sharing your heart and opening up with us. That takes a lot of courage, and I respect you so much for doing so. I’m so sorry that you can relate to Jonathan Davis- that is a pain that nobody should have to share in. It goes without saying that your stepsister acted horribly, and it is okay to still be feeling repercussions from that trauma. You deserve so much better.
No matter how much a person may break you, shame you, degrade you, or hurt you- that can’t change the fact that you are truly and legitimately one-of-a-kind. You are wonderfully made, and the world would be so much worse off if you weren’t in it. It is okay to have some trauma work to do- I honestly believe that we all have trauma work that we need to sort through. If there is one thing that can be learned from this song, it’s that you are not alone in your struggles. Whether that means that there are people like Jonathan Davis who have literally gone through the same struggles, or if you extrapolate that out and become aware of the fact that everyone has internal struggles- it is okay to be hurt and for the sting of the past to linger years later. Just know that the mark may remain, but the sting will not last forever. We were not created for suffering, and I wholeheartedly believe that there is healing waiting for you. I’m so happy that you’ve found HeartSupport and that you’re willing to open up and be so honest. You are so loved and appreciated, and we are always here if you need us. Holdfast, we believe in you.
I am so sorry that you have gone through these horribly devaluing and degrading experiences. I can only imagine that being treated in such an inhumane and disrespectful way in such formative years really effected your personal confidence, mental health, and perception of your worth. When someone makes us feel like garbage, our young brains cannot conceptualize why someone would be doing something so wrong, so we assume we must deserve it. The truth is everyone deserves value and respect. Its part of our inherent worth and dignity as human beings.
To have been taunted, shamed, and teased in such a way was completely not right and not what you deserve as a beautiful and wonderful human being. In this process of healing, when these painful memories continue to surface and bubble, I hope and pray that as each one comes, you can face it head on, give grace and space to each moment, hold honor for these experiences, and feel everything you need to feel whether that is grief, anger, rage, sadness. The process of healing is much more like a spiral staircase than a direct leap to wholeness. Oftentimes, things will come up again and again. While I hope this won’t be your experience with these memories and effects of trauma, if it does come up more than once know that when it does, another layer of healing unfolds. The next time the emotions/memories come bubbling up, you are not in the same space you were as the first time they did, and you are in fact higher up the staircase. Shame does not define you, hurt and pain does not define you, and you have a beautiful life to live. I pray you find complete healing from these experiences and get to live a beautiful life.