I’m on the hardest time of my life. Astrophysics student, in license final practice, living away from home, in a very ugly place just to take things out.
And from May of 2017 till february of 2018 four people around me have commited suicide. Mariela and Patricio, two of my cousins. Adrian, a friend I knew when I entered college. Jesus, a friend of my childhood.
At first, even when I was really damaged, I though I would be fine if i got to focus on my thesis, got into work, give my mind something to be busy.
Thing is I was just covering my problems, and when I needed the most to be okay, I couldn’t. In past June I just collapsed in tears, I could not focus, I tried everything, going to the gym, listening to focus-friendly music, isolating myself in study-rooms, and I just could not.
I was afraid someone else would suicide. And to be honest, I still am.
But I asked for help, I told my girlfriend, my parents, my tutor, the Faculty of Physics. And they understood, they gave me options, they were worried about me and helped me.
Now I’m on treatment, there’s a lot of money to pay in pills and docs, but that’s just another stone in the river. Everytime I get to the psychologist I think “this time i’ll be fine, I’m figuring things out”, and every single time I end up crying. But that’s part of it isn’t it? Of being alive. When I break to tears I think how fortunate I am of being who I am, studying what I want, having the people I met.
I still have some focusing problems, but wounds take time to heal.
I want you guys to know that this, heartsupport is amazing, and wish I could volunteer for you from here, the other corner of the world, Santiago, Chile. I am commited to help, I need to. All that has happened has gave me the strength, and I know I would feel better helping people with their mental health.
If there’s someone who’s spanish is better than their english talk to me, I can translate for you.
Si hay alguien que hable español y con problemas para escribir en inglés que me hable, puedo traducir para ustedes.