I will manage, i will get better

I’m on the hardest time of my life. Astrophysics student, in license final practice, living away from home, in a very ugly place just to take things out.

And from May of 2017 till february of 2018 four people around me have commited suicide. Mariela and Patricio, two of my cousins. Adrian, a friend I knew when I entered college. Jesus, a friend of my childhood.

At first, even when I was really damaged, I though I would be fine if i got to focus on my thesis, got into work, give my mind something to be busy.
Thing is I was just covering my problems, and when I needed the most to be okay, I couldn’t. In past June I just collapsed in tears, I could not focus, I tried everything, going to the gym, listening to focus-friendly music, isolating myself in study-rooms, and I just could not.

I was afraid someone else would suicide. And to be honest, I still am.

But I asked for help, I told my girlfriend, my parents, my tutor, the Faculty of Physics. And they understood, they gave me options, they were worried about me and helped me.

Now I’m on treatment, there’s a lot of money to pay in pills and docs, but that’s just another stone in the river. Everytime I get to the psychologist I think “this time i’ll be fine, I’m figuring things out”, and every single time I end up crying. But that’s part of it isn’t it? Of being alive. When I break to tears I think how fortunate I am of being who I am, studying what I want, having the people I met.
I still have some focusing problems, but wounds take time to heal.
I want you guys to know that this, heartsupport is amazing, and wish I could volunteer for you from here, the other corner of the world, Santiago, Chile. I am commited to help, I need to. All that has happened has gave me the strength, and I know I would feel better helping people with their mental health.

If there’s someone who’s spanish is better than their english talk to me, I can translate for you.
Si hay alguien que hable español y con problemas para escribir en inglés que me hable, puedo traducir para ustedes.

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@audiochm thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so proud of you for taking these amazing steps. You are already helping MANY people just by posting this and showing us all there is some hope. I hope you can continue to move forward the way you are now. Remember that it’s okay if you need to come to this community for help though. You’re doing so well.

Hold fast
Kayla

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Dear Brother,

I am inspired by your strength and positive outlook on life. You are a mighty man of courage. It is good to cry when you go to counseling, this means you are expressing your emotions. That is important for our mental health.
You are doing great things with your life. Keep focusing on healing. I believe in you :slight_smile:

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Hey @audiochm,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. We care for you and want to see you get better! I love the words of life that you’re speaking over yourself. Yes, you WILL manage and you WILL get better because you’re strong and you’re a warrior. Please keep in touch with us!

-Eric

Hey everyone!
Just wanted to update this.
Last sunday I just felt happy, like from the inside, as I haven’t feel in a while.
It was my first time winning against depression.
This week I went to therapy and I didn’t cry, for the first time.

I am winning this battle, I felt I am for the first time. And believe it or not this is in part.thanks to you guys, you don’t know how good it feels to be understood, to be read.
This week I’m going back to office, putting my hands on work again at last. I am not afraid, I am excited!.

I want you to know that there’s a way out. We will overcome.
Hold fast.

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