I wish I could end it all with a drug relapse

This recovery has not been easy for me. I have been going through withdrawals and have been dealing with a tremendous amount of stress and extreme anger. The anger has spiraled out of control and has led to the impulses to want to relapse for more drugs (pills) I just don’t think I can do it anymore. I know I have a future and everything… but this whole recovery process is so damn fucking hard. I wish it would get easier for me. It’s killing me here. I almost relapsed twice tonight from my rage and anger tonight. I just don’t think I can do this… It’s too much for me. I get so fucking angry and then comes the urge to use any type of drug (pills) I just want a way out now. I am always now having a burning desire to do drugs now all due to that first relapse. It just has not been that easy. I wish my life would get easier. I wish I had support from my family. My mom is mean to me so is my sister. They just won’t understand what I’m going through. So I have to keep this all to myself. I am going through the Narcotics Anonymous program to try to help with the drug addiction that I have… but it is so fucking hard. I get so angry and then I get that burning desire to go and use any type of drug(pills) I just wish I was never born. I know that doesn’t sound right but this disease I have the drug addiction is not easy to beat. I just hope to be okay and that I don’t end up… dead from a drug overdose


Hey! First of all I do not know what it is like to be addicted to drugs, I am horribly sorry and can imagine that is really rough. Second: I am so proud of you that you almost relapsed twice and did not give in! ( i was a self harmer and am roughly a year clean) i know it isnt easy to not relapse. Im sure you are doing amazing even if you dont feel like it. I also know what its like to not have supportive parents. That hurts super bad. It is hard to look at the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes but definitely cling to your future. Think of the beautiful things in life you could miss out on if you left. I understand it hurts. I get the battle is so hard. Just hold on. Take things day by day and please be gentle with yourself. Stay strong friend, im praying for you

Yes, your life will get easier, on the other side of your withdrawal. Your family can’t understand what you’re going through, unless they too are addicts in withdrawal. I don’t know what your situation is, or what you can do about it, but my impression is that the process you are going through might be more manageable if you were away from people who don’t understand what you’re experiencing.

Soon, it will be easier to remain aware that the emotions that are passing through you in waves, are part of the withdrawal symptoms, and they are gradually decreasing in intensity.

You have already been through a lot of hell, and have turned that suffering into an investment. If you relapse, you will lose that very wise and substantial investment.

Hang in there! You absolutely can succeed in gaining your freedom from addiction.

Let me know how you doing.

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Ok, I will it’s not really that easy right now

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