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Belongs to: Therapist Fades to Black | Metallica
I work 3 jobs 401k everything and I truly feel that sometimes my family would better off If I die and they collect the insurance money…
Hi, I’m sorry it’s taken a couple of days to get a reply but please know that your family are not better off without you. It’s horrible when that big mist of depression is over us, it makes us unable to see clearly through it. Money can’t replace you. You are valuable
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, truly. You’re working so hard, doing everything to take care of your family, giving every ounce of energy you’ve got… it makes sense to feel tired. To feel like the pressure keeps mounting and you’re never truly allowed to rest. I can only imagine how exhausting it must be to keep pushing yourself like this. It’s like no matter how much you give, it’s never quite enough, never the relief you want it to be. You see your goals in front of you always moving a few steps away from you as you try to get closer to them. It’s so discouraging to be in this position. You’re putting so much into providing for your family, taking care of things, thinking about the future, but it just never seems enough.
I personally relate to how endless it can feel to keep giving of yourself, to feel like you’re running out of strength but have to keep going. It’s like being stuck in this loop where every step feels heavier than the last, and even when you try to think about a break or a way out, it just feels like there’s no room for that. It feels like having no option but to move forward and endure, over and over - while also feeling your internal barriers breaking progressively, leaving you wondering for how long it could last.
My friend, what you have said shows how much you care, how much you want to do right by the people you love. In a world like ours, it makes sense to feel like the only relief you could offer is the financial security, even if that means sacrificing yourself. Truth be told though, money might fill some gaps, but there’s no amount that can replace what you bring to their lives. There’s nothing in this world that could ever replace YOU. You are in your family’s life because there is love at play there, and if they knew how you were feeling, they would certainly tell you how much they care about you regardless of how you could provide to them.
There are times and circumstances in life when all of this appear so secondary in light of the suffering of the ones we love and wish to protect. When we can refocus collectively on what matters most - and right now your emotional safety is the priority. You absolutely deserve to have people by your side supporting you, to share about what you’re going through, to build a support network with allies who will help you navigate through this rough season of your life. You don’t have to shoulder all of this alone. I promise you there is no shame in feeling the way you do, and even less for talking about it. You matter so much.
I am rooting for you, from the bottom of my heart.
-Marie-Anne