I want to reach out to people about how I’m feeling but I don’t want to bother anyone, and mental health services where I am are hard to access. I’ve been crying for two and a half days straight now. I know what the root of the issue is so let’s start with that.
My friend recently got a really good new job, and I’m extremely proud of them for it! They’ve asked for my support and regularly talked to me before they got the job because they were really stressed about looking for one, and I really felt valued and trusted. that they would confide in me about this. After getting the job, they started becoming distant to me but I felt like they were treating everyone else in the group the same way. It really hurt me, and I know the most obvious thing to do is to talk to them about it. But they’ve mentioned before that other people have brought up them being distant and they really disliked that. I think they consider me more of a friend than that person, but I’m afraid if I bring it up they’ll think I’m starting to get too close and weird. I also don’t want to seem like I’m bitter about them focusing their attention on their new job. There is a bit of jealousy that they are living their dream, and it makes me so happy seeing them happy and finally able to afford things they want… But I know there is a plan for me. I also don’t want to bring them down because they seem really excited about their new job, and they’re going to be more focused on that. I am afraid that because of my mental health, if I get used to reaching out to them too much, they will find me a burden. I have to maintain my boundaries.
I think I’m also upset that everyone seems to be getting good/new jobs and really taking off in life. It feels like I’ve been left behind. I think that 2023 is already off to an awful start for me, because I feel like time is ticking even though I’m considered young. I’m definitely putting all this pressure on myself, but I am just afraid of becoming in poverty again. It feels humiliating considering I just finished my Bachelors degree. I just want to be able to afford the things that I need AND want. I haven’t bought anything nice for myself since all the money I’ve earned was used for food and utilities. And I have tried finding work with no luck. That was upsetting. Feeling like I’m qualified and suitable for roles and getting that “Unfortunately…” email.
I’m finding it hard to look forward to things. I’m finding it hard to be positive. I feel like there isn’t a place in the world for me even though I’ve tried really hard my whole life. I’m worried that I’m starting to really feel suicidal again. I think that’s all I need to get off my chest for now, but I feel really really alone at the moment.
Hi Misty, I am so sorry you are feeling so dreadfully unhappy right now.
Thank you for reaching out to us, you are never a bother, we are here to listen and support you whenever you need it.
I can completely relate to what you have written, lets start with you being the ear and support to your friend when she needed you and now there is distance! I think this tends to happen a lot in relationships/friendships not purposely but just sometimes you lean on your friend in a time of need slighty more than ususal and when it all falls into place and works out you go back to your normal friendship and I would say that mostly not even realising that, that might be an issue because hopefully “they would be there for you too right”? however it can hurt when someones life falls into place and yours just doesnt and you can feel pleased for them and a bit jealous at the same time, its ok to want more from your own life. I remember reaching a certain age and my friends were all getting married and having children and I wasn’t, I felt really quite inadequate and sad and if im honest really jealous of what they had but I never wanted them not to have it, I just wanted it too. Looking back it definately wasnt meant to be and Im pleased. My path was very different.
One way you could reach out is to ask them to meet up, maybe go for lunch and ask them to suggest a date and time as you know they are busy with their new job and ask them to get back to you.
Life and times move in strange ways, sometimes we feel at a complete standstill where nothing ever seems to happen to us but everyone else’s life is exciting and then all of a sudden our lives become busy and we wish we had five minutes peace, there is rarely a happy medium.
It does sound like 2023 hasn’t been very kind to you so far but maybe that means from now there is only one way to go and thats up. You sound like a really intelligent, caring, kind and superb young person and I am convinced you have a full and wonderful life ahead of you, no road is straight and flat my friend but we are here to help you round the curves and over the bumps, just keep going. Much Love Lisa. xx
Hi Misty. Sounds like you have a lot going on, I’m sorry life is complicated for you right now. I struggle with boundaries too and one of the things I’ve learned is that when I have a problem and I need support from friends, I ask first if we can talk. I used to just start in with my problems and I wasn’t mindful of the other person and if they were busy or tired or just didn’t want to talk. So, taking the time to ask the other person if they have time to talk or are in a good headspace to talk first will really help you keep boundaries. You matter! ~Mystrose
Misty, First I want to say congratulations on getting your bachelors degree. That, by itself, is a huge accomplishment. It’s a bit easier when you and your friends are all in the same place and leaning on each other for support. You have things more in common. But when one of you moves “ahead” to the next step first, it changes the dynamics and that can be hard to navigate. You are excited for them but you can also be jealous too. And that is totally normal to feel. Do not count yourself out in the job department. It can take many resumes/applications before you get that job offer. Hang in there. I will tell you that my son put out many many applications before he landed that job after college. Now several years later he has gained the experience to get a better job. It can happen and often does. Do not lose hope friend. Consider reaching out to your friend and asking to just have lunch and catch up. You have skill and talent and ability or you wouldn’t have earned that degree. You do still have friends though their schedules have changed. Just reach out and say hello. You have a place in this world and you have a difference to make. You matter.
Hello Misty,
Thank you for opening up and sharing your struggles. I’m glad you are reaching out to us.
I don’t believe you would be a bother to the people close to you and who care about you. And I am sorry you felt like crying so much lately. Crying can be a relief, but it can also be very taxing (I always get headaches from crying and feel drained afterwards).
You are a good friend, being so supportive and helpful, and also for respecting their boundaries. But it’s hard when you need somebody and they feel distant, right? It doesn’t mean this distance is going to be there forever though. The dynamics of friendships can fluctuate sometimes. There’s always the possibility to get closer again. I also believe being a little bit envious sometimes of friends is only human.
I can definitely relate to feeling left behind. It’s difficult when everyone of your friends goes into a different direction, some might move away and build their life elsewhere. Don’t let that start of 2023 dictate the rest of the year, it doesn’t have to. Every day is a new chance. You’re not in a competition or race with your friends, everybody has to find their own thing that makes them happy. Everybody has to find their own path. I’m sorry you haven’t found work yet. The fear of poverty puts even more pressure on you. But try not to overwhelm yourself, maybe it is helpful to tackle one problem at a time. You’ve already achieved so much, you’ve got a bachelor’s degree!
I believe in you, and I believe that you will find your way, don’t give up.
