Most of my life I have been put last by friends. Ever since I was little. I have been let down time and time again. At 32 yo I have a select few left. I definitely wasn’t the most popular guy but I also wasn’t the most unpopular guy. My guard is always up. When I meet people I trust them 100 percent then I always get let down and it crushes me and makes me feel like I’m the problem. My girlfriend who I have been with for 11 years I have 2 kids with her. When we fight I always assume she is gonna leave me. Every little fight I feel like it’s gonna be over because I feel like I can be just thrown away easily. I have a good job and I am 100 percent dedicated to my children. I might lack on the boyfriend side but I think it’s from the lack of affection I got as a child. I also feel like everyone is out to get me for some reason. For example if I see someone friend request me on Facebook that I haven’t seen for years I assume it’s because they wanna try to get dirt on me or try to judge me on my pictures and life. I have no idea how to fix this. I think so negative about people. I feel like they have bad intentions towards me. Maybe it’s from my long life of being betrayed. Please anyone!!! Give me some advice or something to move past this.
Hi @Mooseman, and thank you for sharing your story. I believe it is relevant to a lot of people.
It is hard to foster good relationship with people. What do you mean when you say:
Can you give some examples?
It sounds like you had a hard childhood, and you constantly feel like you are being judged and criticized, and all people want is some confirmation that you are in some way inadequate. Do you compare yourself to other people a lot? Do you feel like you need to prove something to someone?
Maybe it might help you if you will look at yourself objectively, acknowledging all your achievements: even knowing nothing about you, just from your post, I can see that you have a good job, children, 11-year long relationship - all of these things are not easy. And I am sure you have a lot of wonderful qualities that helped you accomplish all of these things. You are worthy. You matter.
What I meant by that is I have been blown off a lot then they act like it’s not a big deal. I have never been someone’s best friend. I’ve just been Somebody to hangout with. I worked with a couple friends for 8 years and through them 8 years I have herd some of them talk behind my back but when I call them out on it they get mad at me and act like I’m the asshole for thinking that. I’ve herd it in the next room that’s the crazy part. So basically I’ve been let down by most my friends all my life.
Thanks for reaching out! I feel like I can relate to your post a lot. I am 35 with 2 kids and also feel like I don’t have many friends left compared to my 20s. I tend to think the worst of people even though strangely, I hope for the best in people. Its a weird dichotomy I have with how I view people. I also have a very negative and judgmental group of coworkers, that really are a bummer. I say all this just so you know that you aren’t the only one that feels like this. I have realized in my own life that my kids have taken priority over making new friends and forging new relationships, and for me I accept this as my job as a father. My dad sucked and believed any show of affection was a weakness. I do not, and pour myself into growing strong loved children. In doing this, I have become lonely in my friendships with people. I always try to look at the things I’m going through form a 30,000 foot view. I try to see a bigger picture in my struggles and try to see myself the way my kids do. I’ll bet that your kids are like mine, and see us as HEROES! Its hard sometimes to see ourselves in a positive light, most people are their own worst critic, but man, there are people that absolutely adore you! One thing that has helped me that maybe you could try, is that I will periodically just disconnect form social media and make a point to call on the phone, like the good old days, an old friend or family member. For me the connection with that phone call fuels me up and keeps me away from the negatives that can come from social media. Maybe give this a chance? Hope this helps and hope to see you offer advice to another member in need! Cheers!
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