I realized i was bisexual when i was 10 which was 4 years ago and 2 years ago i realized that i liked crossdressing and i feel like it ruined my mental state. It isnt because i hate myself for being these things its because nearly everyone i know would hate for them. I only have 2 people which i feel like i can talk to and one of them is at work nearly all of the time and the other is in a worse situation than me and it makes me feel guilty if i message him about my problems when he faces bigger ones than i am having. My father and his family make jokes that sexualize me and jokes about me wearing panties, are huge conservatives who believe in coporal punishment, have on multiple occasions have yelled slurs such as the hard r with children in the room, and have voiced very loudly that they “dont allow that in their household” when it had nothing to do with the conversation at hand. Whilst i am not trans myself i have a trans friend and i feel like my dad would not care to make the distinction between crossdressing and transgender people. My mom is good but she lacks a spine to stand up for herself and what she wants to do and tells everything i tell her to my dad and his family. My dad in the past had beaten me and cussed me out at 9 for not doing my chores and when i was crying in the shower a bit later he ran into the room, yanked the door open, and yelled at me if i didnt stop crying he would give me a reason to cry. He never stops saying how my generation is sensitive and that he had it much worse then me and my sibling ever did and one time when my sibling was crying and he yelled at them that they didnt have it as hard at him and that they should stop crying. My sibling is gender-fluid and helped me stop believing everything my father said. My dad was very keen on shoving politics down my throat during 2020 which mostly consisted of him telling me that trump was the best for building a wall that kept out immigrants and that biden is a senile old pedophile and the most ironic part is that my mother is a mexican immigrant. Im sorry for rambling about things that are not related to the title but i needed to get this off of my chest and i needed someone to tell this all to. Im sorry for making you read this much but thank you for reading all of this if you did.
I’m in the same situation. I don’t have any problem with who I am but my family would not approve. If I were you I’d leave with your genderfluid sibling and go no contact with your parents. If your parents can’t accept you then they don’t deserve your presence. Also if you stay in that environment they’re just going to mistreat you so it’s better to cut them out of your life.
The problem with that solution is that my sibling wouldnt go along with it at all. They love and support me but if we lived together we most definetly wouldnt get a long now plus their car just broke down and they spent all their money repairing. Also she lives in a camper my dad owns and just pays the rent for it. Thank you for listening and giving me a solution though.
Hallo mega mind, firstly you never have to apologise for sharing what you’re going through and how you feel about it. Whether it’s five sentences or five paragraphs, express what you need to and what you feel comfortable with.
It tears me up inside to hear the invalidation of “I had it worse”. Hurt and trauma is hurt and trauma and it’s not a game of who can have it “worse”. Your dad didn’t deserve to be hurt, but that doesn’t make what you’re going through okay. The voices of the intolerant seem so much louder than that of the ones who want to understand and share love, especially when those voices of hate and intolerance are directly from family.
I am heartbroken and disgusted to hear that violence has taken place in your home.
It sounds like your sibling is someone who understands and who shares this hurt with you.
Do you both get time to talk with one another and support one another? It’s something that is small but can also mean a lot.
Do you have access to communities online that you can share with and who have such a deep understanding of what you’re going through?
Sometimes creating a chosen family becomes something that helps you through so much. Some people hold onto them and have found so much support in them while they manage the process of still having to live at home and then being able to move away and if necessary breaking contact.
Another idea could be to reach out to specific lgbtq+ support like the Trevor project. While people may have in mind that they can only reach out if they’re feeling at the end of the rope, I believe it’s so important to reach out any time. There’s also an option to meet friends in this space if you’re not ready to reach out.
I’ll leave a link below and it has details to contact a counsellor all the way down to reaching out to meet young people from all over.
I hope it’s something that helps you during this time in your life. You do deserve a family who loves and supports you and sometimes that looks like choosing the people who we call family.
@Mega_mind9 Well even if your sibling doesn’t go with you i hope you get away from them because it sounds like a bad environment. (i saw your other post). I wish you well.