Today is not a good day, yesterday was not a good day either both for health reasons but both for different ones.
This hasn’t been going on so long, I guess individually about 2 years but in the last month or so everything is hitting me all at once and I will be honest, I am not good at being a patient, I don’t handle pain well at all and just knowing that I could have years of this is getting me down badly.
I am trying to be positive but its winning unfortunately, most of you know my life is a quiet one and thats ok, I have had my safe space for many years and im ok in it, I chose to give up the general day to day pleasures outside as I felt my safe place was so much more imortant - now Im not feeling so safe here and that is a massive problem as its everything.
Yes I am more than likely feeling sorry for myself, my home is a mess, I am a mess and I have no energy or will to do much about it. It sounds ridiculous to say I want to give up but it truly is starting to feel that way.
Thank you for listening.
My dearest Lisa,
My heart is crying for you right now. You are such a lovely, wonderful person that it hurts to know you are struggling so much.
I am not sure if I can find the right words to support you. But I will still try because I think you deserve all the support you need 
Being in pain or being sick can be a very daunting experience, especially if it threatens your carefully built up safe space. Personally I think it can be quite healthy to allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself for a bit. Fighting the feelings and trying to be positive about it takes up a lot of energy, and once in a while acknowledging that your situation just sucks (excuse my French) can help to release some of that tension. I also think it is a very brave thing to reach out here. I hope that despite feeling not well you are still able to see what an absolutely smashing person you are. And if you ever need to rant or want advice or whatever please feel free to DM me.
Know that you are very valuable and you matter. A LOT
Love and hugs from me
Darling Lisa, you have every right to feel sorry for yourself! I like to think of it as empathising with our body’s hurt, just as we would to someone else’s hurt.
I hear that your safe space has started feeling less safe and maybe that’s due to the pain you’re feeling within your safe space, and I hear how you’re worried about what the future holds for your health and journey.
I promise it doesn’t sound ridiculous, it sounds like a human who is so deeply hurt, so is experiencing pain, who is scared that the pain may continue long term, who has felt defeated from losing their safe space.
I don’t want to try advise you or take away from what you’re feeling, just to express that you are heard in your hurt and you have a friend who wants to support you in whatever capacity I can.
I feel blessed to know 2 such lovely people and honoured to be able to call you friends. Both of your replies have warmed my heart thank you so much, if you were not already there i would be begging you to join swat 
.
Seriously though thank you, knowing that you have your friends here to lean on in good and not so good times is so valuable and i cherish it.
Things will improve I am sure, just have to get over this bump in the road.
Thank you so so much again to you both @leapyeargirl @AliceBlue you are so kind xxx
Thinking of you today, Lisa. You’ve been dealing with this pain and health struggles for a while now, and I think it’s essential to give yourself a breather when you need it by venting it out. It may feel like you are a broken car to be sent to the scrapyard, but from where we are I can assure you that we only see a beautiful human being who’s doing their best to win an endurance race. It’s challenging, it requires more patience than we’re usually ready to give ourselves when we face that kind of struggle, and it’s hard to be in the “middle” for an unknown time, without any finish line in sight. Having answers could at least release a bit of the pressure - what is it? for how long are you supposed to deal with it? what are things that can be done in order to help yourself? - I hate that these questions have been unanswered for so long, but on top of that that you’ve had to deal with pain over and over. You have all the right to be tired of this and to share your voice when you’re fed up with it. I’m frustrated with you, and still hope that things will get better as soon as possible. You deserve all the good and beyond. Love you tons.
@Micro Your words of love, support snd comfort always mean more than you could ever know. In one way I feel a little fraudulent as I am not dying here, its just one of those annoying things that could be a number of different things or none of them but ultimately the effect is taking its toll so we need to find out what it is and how to treat it. Prob turn out to be something so simple 
. Thank you my friend for your patience with me.i am truly grateful and i love you tons too. Xx