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Belongs to: Therapist gets Sober by Tool
If you wouldn’t have mentioned to share what addiction I’m fighting with, I wouldn’t have even remembered that I’m constantly, almost daily, fighting a very common but intricate addiction myself, which is nicotine. First of all, totally awesome to hear your perspective on “my music”, because I can take away so much logical things! <3.
I’ve been smoking for years without pause since a young teen, almost always mixed with weed, because I don’t like cigarettes themselves. Had an epiphany this spring that made me realize how I’m better off without weed so I quit - it was just, like you say, the sober voice inside that made me realize that I’m doing much better in public and in general when I’m off of it. Also more confident.
But quitting nicotine didn’t work as easily as convincing myself with my inner ‘sober voice’. So, since then, I’m almost constantly working on quitting. But I never do get there to just …be able to quit. So I’ve been trying to gain control over it as good as it fits in my life. Not smoking nicotine, until I do something in the evening that I’ve set my mind to at some point during the day.
So that’s where I’ve currently arrived. I don’t need to take up much of your time, I think it’s actually already awesome to be able to share this. Thanks for reading if you do though! And for doing this for us! <3. It’s also my 22nd birthday since about an hour ago, hehe. Cheers! o7
Thanks for being so open and for sharing what you’re struggling with. Addiction can feel so defeating sometimes, because no matter how hard we try, we feel powerless to stop ourselves. Like in those moments when the substance feels so tempting, something else takes control over us and we can’t help but submit to its pull.
I have felt that pull of addiction for years, too. I’ve fought the cycle of ongoing temptations, but it always feels like I give in at the end of the day. Like I simply don’t have the strength to beat this. That feeling has led me to so much guilt, self-defeat, and even self-loathing in my darkest moments.
The simple fact that you feel so compelled to beat this addiction is proof that there’s something in you strong enough to win. Yes, it is a fight. Yes, it is a brutal daily battle. And yes, we may never completely be free of addiction’s pull. But that spirit inside you that resists another defeat should spark hope that you actually can change. It’s a start, at least, and your strength to stop using nicotine for most of the day proves that this drug does not hold complete power over you.
You were made beautiful and valuable exactly as you are without any substances. To be the person you want to be, you do not need any substance. And in your fight to run toward that hopeful future, you can take tremendous comfort in the fact that you are not fighting alone. You can reach out to those around you who love you, and you can have confidence that your vulnerability is not your weakness. It’s such a tremendous strength!
Those simple, constant steps toward the future we seek can help us along, day by day, to beat our addictions. For myself, I needed to learn how my addiction is not just about me; it effects those I love even in small ways (and sometimes devastating ways) that I can’t even see. But addiction is not just a personal thing, so don’t let it be a personal battle. I’m so thankful you shared your struggles and reached out. I am comforted by your fighting spirit and I truly believe that this addiction does not define you, and it cannot control you forever. You are strong and courageous, my friend.
Hey there!
Thank you SO much for opening up and sharing your story here!! It is truly encouraging. I am so glad to hear that you recognized how your addiction was affecting you and that you have been able to take the proper steps to combat it! It takes a lot of strength and courage to take the steps you’ve taken, you have got this!
Congratulations on all you have accomplished in this battle, and I’ll be praying for you in seeing it through to the end! NEVER give up!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thank you for coming here and sharing your addiction story. I’m not yet ready to share mine, so that is very brave of you. I know people who have kicked the habit of both cigarettes and weed, and many people who have put alcohol down forever, and a few of them said putting the cigarettes/nicotine down was harder than the alcohol sometimes. It’s ok to be a “work in progress”. It sounds like you really want to quit smoking nicotine. Determination brings progress and success.
When I’m fighting with my specific addiction, it feels like I can’t take one more breath without touching it. It’s hypnotic and comforting at the same time. It makes me feel safe. it makes me feel alive, it makes me feel a connection to something in my own special way. But it also makes me cry. It hurts inside on a level that can’t be described, and I know it’s bad for me in the end. I’ve found that sometimes sitting quietly and focusing specifically and intensely on each individual breath (deep inhale and slow exhale) I make for a few minutes will calm me and distract me so that I can stop the obsessive thoughts of the Thing I Want Most Right Now, long enough to move on to a different mental activity. This is my way of gaining control over it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I try to never see the times it doesn’t work, as a failed attempt. There are no failed attempts. If we keep attempting, we are succeeding.
You were able to gain control over the weed, and you seem to be asserting control over the nicotine by deciding that you are going to use it only at specific times. That is definitely something to be proud of. You seem to have a very good attitude about yourself and that’s a good place to start when trying to kick an addiction.
I hope you have the happiest birthday my Friend. I hope you come back and update us on how it’s going.