Im 20 and i live in fear sometimes because i was p

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Im 20 and i live in fear sometimes because I was physically abused by my dad at the age of 12 years old and i still fear on how to tell people

[Chrisn]

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Im 20 and i live in fear sometimes because I was physically abused by my dad at the age of 12 years old and i still fear on how to tell people

I’m really sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. It takes a lot of courage to even acknowledge that kind of pain, let alone talk about it. Physical abuse is a profound trauma that can leave lasting scars. It’s completely understandable that you feel fear and uncertainty about sharing your story with others. And I don’t blame you for not knowing exactly how to tell people or even who to tell what. Not everyone is a great person to share it with and navigating all that can be challenging. I hope you have some people you can trust but if not there are so many people who are able to understand (first hand) and help. Dealing with the aftermath of abuse, especially from a parent, can feel like your world has been turned upside down. The person who was supposed to protect you instead caused you harm, and that betrayal can be incredibly difficult to process alone. It’s not uncommon to carry those fears into adulthood but I’m glad you’re even open to wanting to process it.

One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with past abuse is the fear of judgment or not being believed. Some people won’t understand, or worse, that they’ll think less of you for what happened. Those people are actually just insecure and our bravery in sharing can scare them. But it’s important to remember that what happened to us was not our fault. We didn’t deserve it, and you are not defined by it. I like the phrase “not my fault but it is my responsibility” which puts me back in the driver seat of my own life.

Talking about your abuse can be a powerful step towards healing for sure. It allows you to release some of the burden you’ve been carrying and can help you start to reclaim control over your narrative. However, deciding when and how to share your story is deeply personal, and it’s important to do it at your own pace and in a way that feels safe for you.

I rarely do put things in order like this but I thought it might be helpful to just have clear next steps to try. Hope this helps.

1. Find or figure out who is a safe person to share with: Start by identifying someone you trust completely. This could be a close friend, family, or in my case, a therapist.
2. Go slow: You don’t have to share everything all at once. It’s okay to start with small details and gradually reveal more as you feel comfortable. You are in control of your story.
3. Professional advice/help: A therapist who specializes in trauma can provide a safe space for you to talk about your experiences and help you develop coping strategies. Trauma therapy can be a crucial part of the healing process, offering support and guidance as you work through your feelings. I’ll say this has been the most impactful for me to process with a stranger who I can get away from easily rather than a close friend who, if I feel uncomfortable it’s more complex to get out of that situation. Huge advocate for therapists.
4. Write: Not sure this will help you but sometimes writing about our experiences can help process them before you’re ready to talk about them. Journaling can be a private and safe way to explore your emotions and gain clarity.
5. Educate: Learning about the effects of trauma can help you understand your own responses and behaviors. It can also empower you by providing you with tools to manage your fear and anxiety. There’s so many books on this. One I like and most people recommend is “The Body Keeps the Score”.
6. Self-Compassion: Maybe I should have put this step first. haha. Be gentle with yourself. Healing is not a linear process, and there will be ups and downs. Acknowledge your progress, no matter how small, and give yourself credit for the strength it takes to confront your past. Even posting here was great. Acknowledge yourself.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Many people have gone through similar experiences and have found ways to heal and move forward and even help heal others and prevent the cycle from continuing.

When you’re ready, sharing your story can be a powerful step towards reclaiming your power and helping others understand you better. You deserve to be heard and supported, and you deserve to heal.

You’ve already shown immense courage by acknowledging your fears and seeking ways to address them. Keep taking those steps, no matter how small they may seem. You’ve got this.