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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Nothing More - HOUSE ON SAND
im 32 with a lot of tough times but for some reason im still constantly haunted by high school. so many bad memories just won’t let me go. regrets that still cause nightmares.
ive almost ended up homeless, had to move back in with my parents, couple years later got a divorce, moved back with the parents again. but that doesn’t bother me like my regrets from high school. they were hard decisions, it caused a lot of pain but they don’t haunt me like shit from 15 years ago does
how do i make that stop?!
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I have struggled with the thoughts that haunt me from the past. The things I’ve done that have caused a lot of hurt to others. I have spent years looking back and wishing for a different outcome. I spent years hating myself and bullying myself. I spent years keeping those thoughts with me as a defence mechanism to avoid making friends because if I hurt one more person, then I didn’t think I could live with myself.
How could anybody want to be in my life with the person I was.
The key point I kept missing for all those years is “the person I was” is no longer the person I am. I know I caused hurt and I know I should have handled things differently, but being here in the present, I can confidently say, that person deserves some forgiveness. That person was immature and didn’t know how to handle things like I do now. The people I have hurt have moved on in their lives. They don’t sit and absorb this bubble that consumes them like we do. I’ve reflected and pretended to go back in time to meet my younger self, and I met them with kindness in my heart. I met them with grace and understanding. I hold responsibility for my own actions and the hurt they caused, but once we allow ourselves to embrace forgiveness of self, we start to acknowledge all the growth we have taken between then and now.
Would if we could go back? Maybe, but maybe I also wouldn’t have done the self reflection to learn how to handle the hard stuff. To learn the importance of surrounding myself with people of good nature and love.
So, to present day you, I ask what you would say to your younger self? Can you meet them with gentleness and love? Can you extend forgiveness?
It takes one step at a time, but you aren’t alone for the journey
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Hey friend,
I’m 43 and there are things that haunt me too. I’m sorry there were things that you regretted from high school, and there were things I thought I had regretted too. The way I see it, no matter what decisions I made, whether they be good or bad, helped me become the person I am today. We can’t change what’s happened in the past, but we can definitely steer ourselves into the future we want.
You’ve got this!
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I want to say, first off, I genuinely appreciate your courage to reach out and share your struggles. Like you, I’ve had times in my life where I allowed bad memories to cripple me. I hear you and know you are valid. You are still young and you still have a beautiful story to write. Dont let those past mistakes cause you to write yourself off. You can take those and use them to help you along this life’s journey. I think that we forget that the bad is just as valuable as the good in shaping who we are. Take those bad memories and use them to help you as you make your choices for today and tomorrow. Its so easy to get lost in the past and wonder how things could be different if those things hadn’t happened. There’s no guarantee that you still wouldnt have gone through what you did. But those things did happen and yet you are still here and you are still fighting. That takes courage. Give yourself grace amd forgiveness. And above all, give yourself credit for all the good that you are.
With love
Eric
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Hey there,
That’s a great question. I don’t know how to make it stop either but there are lots of little things that help. You are definitely not alone.
For one, I try not to stew in the regrets too much. There isn’t anything I can do to change the past. I like to remember to go easy on myself too. No body is perfect.
After that, I find it’s really helpful to start moving forward. What is it that I am missing/want/need? Where do I want to go? What do I need to get there?
I think that initial sort of reframing really helps settle my nerves and puts me in a better place.
Thanks so much for posting. Keep your head up.
With love,
Satty
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Hi there!
First of all thank you for sharing all of your emotions and feelings here!
I know how rough it is to have experience from the past continue to affect us years later. High School can leave pretty deep wounds on us and it is an experience and something that can definitely affect us for the long run. Your feelings are valid and i understand how hard it is to experience those feelings.
If it helps you, high school is a time of figuring stuff out and we are bound to make mistakes and regret the decisions we took when we were in highschool, it is a confusing time and mistakes happen. Maybe talking about all of those regrets that you ar having with someone, either a friend or a professional can help you resolve and feel more at ease.
I hope you find the peace you deserde and remember that you are not alone in this and we are always here to support you too.
Sending love and support