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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Falling in Reverse Popular Monster
I’m 53 and still going down this rabbit hole after 19yrs of marriage and then getting blindsided by I want a divorce 
…I feel his pain …jelly rolls pain and eminem struggles. I got alot to learn with my demons 
Getting blind-sided is such a betrayal. The song talks about needing to face the pain associated with healing and letting go of how holding onto our pain is serving us. Maybe what each of us can learn from our demons comes as much in the form of asking them what they are giving as in what they are taking. I sometimes nurse wounds in order to garner pity, or use my story to get attention rather than to help others. Sometimes my pain keeps me in stuck but “safe” places because if I don’t believe I am worth anything better than I won’t take the risk and do the scary thing. Sometimes the scary thing is the thing that argues with the negative self-voice.
Our pain always serves a purpose-- asking it how it is serving us can give insight into what role it is functioning in.
Your insight to say you have a lot to learn with your demons is incredibly self-aware. You have been blindsided and betrayed by someone you love. Now, you can look at how that pain can serve you or not serve you and how you can learn and grow.
While still in this space of grief, it will be very difficult no doubt, but I hope that as you keep unraveling the sources and sides of your pain it will transform. As you make space for it and allow it, I hope that betrayal will turn into hope.
When we’re blindsided it can cripple us. It takes us by surprise and makes us question everything. We question our self worth and whether anything we experienced with someone even mattered. It takes our breath away and we feel stunned. Trying to understand what happened and why can take us down a maddening rabbit hole where everything comes into question. And if we get stuck there it messes with our mind and traps us. It consumes us. We’re convinced that there’s no way out wondering how we’ll ever get out.
Our pain becomes our purpose. It gives us meaning and something to focus on. I’ve been there too, so trapped by what I feel and the ghosts of the past, where life wouldn’t feel normal without them. It’s hard to see beyond them. But those ghosts lie to us and paint dark and hopeless future. I’ve bought into it but then realized by reaching out to others that I didn’t need to stay there. I had to reach out and take a risk to face my demons and look them in the eye to tell them they weren’t going to hold me there any longer. You can do it too. When I took my eyes off the pain that I held onto for so long and looked up at even the tiniest sliver of hope I broke its hold bit by bit. When we let it out and acknowledge it, the demons lose their power and hope take holds. I appreciate you sharing your story. You’ve helped me by reminding me I’m not alone and neither are you. Our struggles are what makes us human and reminds us that we can encourage and help each other. I hope you can cling to that sliver of hope and realize that you have people rooting for you and believe that you have the courage and strength to climb out of that hole one step at a time. You may have a lot to learn, I definitely do too, but that’s the beauty of life…. If we are willing to keep learning there is always hope waiting for us to reach out and grab it! Hold on to it. believe in you!
Having a marriage end is already a heartbreaking event, but having it come out of no where and not expecting it makes it infinitely worse. It can feel like your heart was just ripped from your chest and then you are left to stop the bleeding and expected to just move on with your life.
I remember when that happened to my dad. He came home one day and his wife was gone with nothing but a note to explain why she decided to leave. She told her kids to our faces that she was leaving, but couldn’t tell her husband. My dad was understandably heartbroken and he wasn’t sure what to do. They eventually ended up getting a divorce and my dad began to see her true colors, but it still didn’t take away the pain that he went through because he thought his marriage was fine.
Having someone that you love and care for blindside you, can really cut deep. I’m sure there are times where you don’t even know what you need to be doing because you just feel the pain from the blindside. It can be difficult to begin to move on with your life because it can feel like your path was completely ripped out from under you.
Our demons can definitely bring a lot of pain with them, but they can also show us our areas of improvement. They can show us what we need to heal from and what we need to start letting go of. It can be a long and difficult journey, but I believe that you can make it through. I know you are hurting right now and I am so incredibly sorry that you are. My heart goes out to you during this heartbreaking time, but the pain doesn’t have to last forever.
I am glad that you were able to find a song that gives a voice to your pain, Ronnie is very good at expressing what he is dealing with. My husband and I were talking about this song the other week and we were saying that Ronnie was really at his last straw with trying to get better and no one was giving him the help that he was begging for. He didn’t want to be that Popular Monster anymore. So he decided that he was going to heal from his demons his way. You can heal from your demons too. I believe in you! I have faith in you! Whenever you are in need of any support, we will all be right here for you!