My name is Kobe, im not the best writer so im gonna try my best, as of the past 9 months ive been unemployed and have to be carried by my mom just to survive ive done everything possible to find a job and every time i get rejected or dont even get a response back. at the same time ive been trying to meet new friends and be more outgoing! instead of finding new friends i keep finding people who’ll talk with me for a bit before ghosting me and blocking me. i put so much love and care and support into these friendships and they dont even care if im around or not, i just want a friend that wont crush my soft heart within a month, it’s to the point were i cant sleep well or even think to myself without almost breaking down into tears. sorry for anyone who has to read this mess of a post
Hello Kobe
Sorry you are having trouble finding a job, but at least you are trying. I think an important part to all of this is that you are trying your best. It is okay to be reliant on family sometimes, when we are in need of support. So although it might not feel the best, don’t beat yourself up too bad about it. Just keep looking, and hopefully something comes a long soon.
I think as far as friends go, you should be proud to be the type of person who wants to build strong friendships, but also you have to understand others boundaries and make sure they earn the love and care that is being presented. That you are not just presenting it to people who have not earned that kind of treatment. If you pour yourself into a friendship at a slower pace, and make sure that they are people who are going to stick around, you wont set yourself up for as much disappointment. I think that finding deep friendships takes a lot of trial and error, and that eventually you will find the right people to be your friends. Maybe if the place you are finding them is not turning out good options, find another place to try to look for friends in?
Hi Kobe,
Thank you for reaching out and opening up about how you have been feeling. I too am undergoing a similar situation financially so I understand how hard, frustrating and discouraging it can be. However, our family members can be a great method of support for our down periods. The job market is difficult in today’s day and I think that our parents understand that and see all of our effort to get employed, and that is what counts. I know a lot of time has passed, but I encourage you to keep up your search efforts. I find that it helps encourage me when I allow my mother’s words to comfort me, “you are not a burden, you are my child, and you are loved regardless of your life’s situation, this is temporary and one day it’ll be you taking care of me.”. When I reframe my thoughts to be in line with my mother’s perspective, I feel the strength to keep going. I’m not sure if you’ve had any discussion with your mother about any of your feelings regarding this, but I hope that she too would have a similar perspective. I hope you are able to find a job that you like/love soon. I believe it can happen for you.
As for making friends, it can be hard. We have to be vulnerable and run the risk of rejection, and this can be scary and disheartening when that social rejection actually occurs. However, finding good, long-lasting and meaningful friendships is a process and a journey. And you are already taking the courage to try and make this happen for yourself which is great. Maybe, based on how they treated you, they were not the right kinds of people to build these meaningful friendships with? You deserve to receive all the love and support that you have to offer from those you make friends with. Maybe, testing out the waters when you meet new people so that you can get more of an idea about the type of person they are before seeking out a full friendship can reduce some of the disappointment if things don’t work out.
i wish I could call it just disappointment shan, every time it happens if feels like someone broke my heart, each time i cry my eyes out before i sleep. I’m deathly scared of being alone and forgotten so when i meet these people and pour my heart out too them only for them to crush it and move on and forget about me with in a month it feels like my world is crumbling, maybe it’s because i have a soft heart that i just cant move on…
i just wanna make people happy and feel great around me but it seems like all i do is run people off
Thank you for providing me with some more perspective. Those are a lot of intense feelings to have to deal with, and I’m sorry your interactions with others have been causing such high levels of pain. There will come a time where you will meet the right people, and when this happens you won’t be forgotten. They will be able to reciprocate your efforts and energy. It may be a case of having to find people that are of a like mind, and that contribute to a friendship in the same way that you do. Something that I have learned is that there are a lot of different friendship styles, some are compatible and some aren’t. Building friendships takes a lot of figuring out as you get to know each other. Maybe taking that process a bit slower when you meet someone could help. Before going all out, make sure you are giving your heart to people that deserve it. Coming from my own experience, I know I sometimes get the idea that if I give my all to a person they will see how amazing I am and want to be my friend, but they just usually take advantage of my kindness and then leave me feeling empty inside. I know now that those types of people are not the types of people that I will have good friendships with, as our friendship styles are not compatible. So when I meet new people I try to keep the conversation casual to get to know them, so I can assess how much we actually match as potential friends. And once they pass the vibe check I give a little more, and things naturally and gradually turn into a friendship.
You are filled with so much love, and have such a tender heart, I can tell. I applaud you for your constant courage to keep trying despite all these overwhelming feelings. It is something to be proud of yourself for, because it is not an easy task. Maybe protecting your heart a bit more with a more gradual process?
Hi Kobe,
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing what you’re going through - you don’t ever need to apologize for expressing how you’re feeling! I must say that I am proud of you for putting yourself out there and placing time and effort into building relationships, that’s a key component of producing something that will be long-lasting, and should be valued! However, it’s completely natural for things not to always click with others, and this fact does not have to be something necessarily negative. I can understand that it can be disheartening, but people showing you early enough their true colours is something that avoids having you put long-term energy into people who aren’t worthy. I think it’s also important to be reminded that the past negative experiences you’ve had do not define what the future holds and that you are more than likely to find that supportive friend! I would say to be careful though with giving so much of yourself so early on. Again, things may not work out, and hooking yourself onto something that is not yet stable may explain some of the distress you’re feeling. I’m not saying to put your guard up completely to avoid getting hurt, but taking things slow and assessing everything as you go will probably make things smoother for you in the long run! As a side note, reading about just how much all of this impacts you, perhaps it may do you some good to consult with a therapist and try to understand why that is the case. I don’t know how accessible or desirable this option is for you, but the clarity could be helpful, and some of the tools you may gather could be useful for the relationships to come. Maybe something to think about! In any case, I wish you all the best with everything to come and don’t hesitate to reach out for anything you’re going through <3
I think something that is very important is that you have to remember to also want to make yourself feel happy, and yourself feel great. To be the best friend to yourself, that you intend on being towards others. Finding/growing self-love/worth can be very important in helping us understand how to build relationships outside of ourselves too.
When it comes to finding work the past few days have been crushing
I found out the recently ive been loosing jobs at dollar general to nothing but nepotism, the worker even admitted to ignoring all my applications before hiring someone else and then that same day i got told i wasnt qualified to work in a grocery store deli of all things, it crushed me being told im not good enough for a grocery store
thank you all for the kind words i cant help but cry reading them all. I’ve never considered myself worthy of self love so i’ve always wanted to make others feel loved and that they matter to someone. I shoulder everyone’s burden so they can be happy regardless if it destroys me mentally
Hey Kobe,
I wanted to check in on you and see how you were feeling today. Although I may not know about everything you have going on, I relate to the feeling of giving so much care and support to others and them not reciprocating it. Something that really helps me is to give new people I meet a “trial period.” I try to get to know someone and gauge if they have similar values and interests as me before I fully open up to them. You are such a special and important person, and sometimes it is best to not give people full access to you until they show you they deserve it! I want to encourage you to pour all of this love you have to give into yourself! I think testing out new hobbies, changing up your routine, and not being too hard on yourself could really benefit you in the long run. Finding a hobby that you love could even lead you down a new career path you never imagined! Please feel free to come and check in with us here whenever you need. I believe great things are coming your way <3.
thank you so much