A friend and I had some real talk the other night. I opened up a little but then he pushed me a little too far and I became emotionally overwhelmed. I said I gotta go, he said „I hope this didn’t get too personal“.
I said no but the truth is yes and now after the fact I am pretty resentful about the whole thing. How do I address this? Do I address this at all? I don’t want to be resentful towards him, he’s a good guy and my best friend but here I am, sitting at home writing this instead of going over there for a bbq.
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Hey. First off, getting emotionally overwhelmed does NOT make you a petty fool. Emotions aren’t rational by nature. You had a visceral emotional reaction when things got too real. It’s okay, it’s natural, and it is healthy in its own way.
I think you should absolutely address it with your friend. Hanging on to hurts just means you keep hurting, all the while knowing your friend has no idea that he hurt you. If you’re good enough friends to have real talk, he’ll probably be a good listener and hear you out. As for how: First, organize your thoughts, either mentally or on paper. Come up with everything you’d want to say about it without getting interrupted. Second, set aside some time to talk with him. Tell him “Hey, you got some time? I have some stuff I want to get off my chest.” Pick a time when you are well enough to get everything out in the open without shutting down. Ask him to hear you out. Use the words “I felt” instead of “you did”–tell him how you perceived it instead of casting blame, because casting blame will just make him defensive. If he tries to interject when you’re not ready, say “hey, can I please finish?” Then really listen to him when he responds–that means don’t listen and think about what you’re going to say next, take it in and process it. Conflict gets resolved when people take the time to try to listen to and understand each other.
If he’s as good a friend as you make it sound, if he was genuinely concerned in the first place about it being too personal, he should be receptive to this conversation. Even if he doesn’t apologize or dismisses your concerns, you can rest well knowing that you said your piece, and the problem is now his. Good luck, friend. Let us know how it goes!
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Thank you for the advice, I should have taken it.
It didn’t work out so well but I’m sure it will be ok eventually. I mentioned to him that it was indeed too personal and I said why. We didn’t talk it all out, but he apologized and I said that I don’t want to be mad about it (I’m still unsure if I actually am).
Despite al this I still behaved passive aggressive towards him, I tried not to. I don’t understand what’s so hard about this.
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