Back to heartsupport

I'm always starting conversations. Nobody wants to talk to me

I noticed the other day that I’m always the one that starts conversations with people. So I wanted to try something where I wouldn’t message anyone until they messaged me first. It’s been about a week and nobody messaged me. All my friends talk to each other all the time but I feel like the odd one out. The only real friend I had, my girlfriend, broke up with me about a while ago. We’re on good terms, and we’re relatively good friends, but she doesn’t talk to me nearly as much as this other guy. He’s a friend we went to school with and now they’re going to the movies alone together and hanging out regularly, something they never did when we were together. One of my other friends is a relatively popular person too with so many people to talk to I feel like I just get forgotten about. I always feel like I’m bugging my friends by messaging them so much. They take so long to respond and I respond almost instantly.

7 Likes

Hey @A_Phantom_Pain

Some people are good when it comes to messaging and others aren’t. Sometimes we can be both good and bad in the sense that we reply quickly to some people and seem to ‘ghost’ others.

My honest advice is don’t judge your relationships with others based on how you communicate over whatsapp/facebook/etc. Social media can make us believe that we are socially isolated especially when other people seem to always be doing something interesting/social but the reality is that we only see what other people want to show. If your relationship/friendship with another person is strong and meaningful, it will be evident in face to face interactions.

Personally, as I’ve grown older (not that I am that old XD) I’ve found that I’ve grown out of touch with a lot of people but despite this, still have a few close friends that I can rely on even if we don’t talk or see each other much.

Stay strong and keep perspective.

3 Likes

Ive been in this boat so many times with friends. Both when I was younger and as an adult. So I can understand your frustration. There got to be a point in my life that I had to really sit down and ask myself who my true friends are. It’s so important to try to build a circle of friends that appreciate us, lift us up, support us and bring more positive to our lives than negative. If we are consistently feeling like our friendships are bringing us down and putting us in a bad mental place, it’s time to either

A.) Sit down and talk to friends about how we are feeling. Going in open minded, calm and with patience. Don’t do it when you are heated. See if you can come to an understanding and resolve how you are feeling.

OR

B.) filter through your friends list. On all media. Contact lists. Keeping those who you feel you can build a healthy relationship with. This sometimes can be really hard because removing people out of your life can sometimes feel lonely. But honestly afterwards, when you cut off those who make you feel so awful, you feel much better for not having them around to make you feel like crud.

Sometimes a good talk is all a friendship needs to resolve how you are feeling. You never want to just give up on friendships. Because all relationships have their issues. You learn to come through them together. It’s the ones that stay stuck and never move forward. The ones that, even with effort to improve just are consistently dragging you down. It’s those ones you want to filter.

I’m sorry that your friends have left you feeling the way you do. I know I struggle with being the initiative even with the only family I speak to. One has gotten better, but the other one I am always feeling like I have to chase them down to get them to talk to me. Its frustrating.

Also keep in mind that sometimes life causes us all to get busy. Sometimes it can be hard to keep up with every single person who we consider a friend. As life progresses and we get older, it’s normal to talk to people less. With jobs, school, relationships, kids etc. So keep in that mind too. See if you can gain some perspective from your friends before making that judgment call. Try to be understanding of them the way you would want them to be of you.

You are important and valued and you deserve to be surrounded by people who make you feel that.

I hope it gets better for you, friend.

  • Kitty
2 Likes

@A_Phantom_Pain

I’m sorry you feel this way. I had been on a similar boat as you of my friends not contacting me when time flies by. Life does get the best of us. Maybe you should send a voicemail of how much you miss them or try to talk to them, and tell them of how you been lately. I hope this helps. Thank you for sharing.

1 Like

Im really sorry your going through this. I have been going through the same thing for a while now. I was surprised and a lil saddened to see that this affects so many people. I did the same thing as far as not talking to anyone and seeing what happened. Didnt turn out well. Through depression and probably a good deal of pride i “lost” a lot of fair weathered people and pretty much gave up. I dont leave the house much and dont really talk to anyone. I just could never understand why people dont want to be my friend or talk to me. Im a good person that cares about everyone. I never thought id be so alone. I hate that you and others are going through this but at the same time im glad there are others out there that know what we are talking about and can lend support. I hope things turn around for you

4 Likes

This literally happens to me every time i decide to test my hypothesis, and people usually take like a couple of weeks to ask me if i’m alive. But i couldn’t help but laugh soooo much when i saw this post. I dont know why dis happens tbh :frowning: and im in my mid 30s

2 Likes

Lmaoo they dont even add me to group chats

2 Likes

I am in the same boat as you. I have two best friends. One of them is really popular and has so many friends that he seems to like to hang out with more than me, and I feel like I’m invisible. The other one never really makes an effort to keep in touch, and I am always starting the conversation. It’s really not a good feeling.

1 Like