Im an SIO in the military and struggle with my own problems

I have worked in the mental health field for about 10 years. Nothing professionally but lots of classes and trainings. More specifically with military, firefighters, ems, forst responders. I feel like a fraud when i tell them one thing when i know that it will help them, but i struggle and do the opposite.


Hey there Miltech12! Welcome in!

First off, I just want to say thank you for being open with us here, we appreciate it and don’t take it for granted. I believe that sharing our emotions, and what we go through, can help others know that they are not alone. So thank you, so much, for being open with us here.

That is amazing all of the experience you have with mental health.

I understand how it can be when we give advice to others, but we don’t really follow that same advice for ourselves, even though we know it will be beneficial for us as well. I tell people to take a step back from tasks when they are feeling frustrated, but do I do that every time? Definitely not.

I can understand the feeling of being a “fraud”, but I promise you, you are not a fraud. It is hard in the moment to use advice, even if we know it and we give the advice all the time, in the moment it is so hard.

At work, I try to tell my coworkers “it doesn’t matter” when customers get upset, I remind them they are going through something, or just try to make it less frustrating for my colleagues. But for me- it is so so SO hard to follow that rule… almost every time a person gets upset on the phone, even though it’s not even with me, it is usually an outside issue, I take it hard, and I have a full breakdown and I go outside and cry. Sometimes we can have the answers, but in the moment it is just too much, and that is okay.

Please know with time and work it gets better… I know it can be so debilitating in the middle of the storm but there is a way to better days.

When I get into my thoughts and feelings I try to remind myself of what I have accomplished, how far I have come. I try to ground myself, I try to stay in that moment, I try to not think about later that day, or tomorrow, or next month, next year, next week. I find it beneficial to me to stay in that moment, that minute. When I start to think longer ahead it get difficult to not let the emotions and thoughts become overwhelming.

It is so amazing, and inspiring to see you help others. That shows who you are as a person, you are amazing. You deserve to be understood, and you deserve the help that you give to others. You don’t deserve this pain that you go through, or these negative thoughts you have.

Having a significant other in the military has got to be so stressful, I cannot even begin to know how that it. All I can say is thank you both for your service.

Please know we are always here for you, to be a listening ear, to be a shoulder to lean on.

Friend, you inspire me. You deserve happiness, and you deserve to cope in healthy ways. You are in no way a fraud, you are amazing.

Sending love,

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Hi Miltech12,

Welcome to HeartSupport! Thank you for sharing and opening up about how you feel. I want to take a moment to recognize you for what you do and for all the people that you have helped over the 10 years you have worked in the mental health field so far. You are appreciated for you do.

That said, I can resonate with you about feeling like a fraud. I am currently studying psychology and learning so much to become a counselor specializing in relationships/family/marriage but struggle to take my own advice and implement what I learn for my own relationships. I give the “best” advice to friends and family but can’t maintain a relationship of my own. I know they are on different scales, but all of that to say I feel for what you expressed because I myself have experienced somewhat of a similar thing. For myself I recently started doing some reflections on my behaviour during dating/relationships to try and figure out what potential causes are preventing me from using my own advice and leading to self-sabotage. There is always an internal driving reason behind our actions. So I don’t think that you are a fraud, but maybe there is something that you are feeling inside that is making it hard for you to use/try the advice that you give to others. When you give advice to others you are on the outside looking in and have a more neutral composure. However, like @Lyss mentioned, when we are in the heat of the moment and our emotions are involved and clouding our composure, it can be really difficult to practice what we preach. Through my reflection I learned that fear is the emotion that stirs me to the point where I have a hard time taking my own advice. So whenever I feel scared, I try not to act or make any decisions but to calm myself down and try to think rationally before I do anything.

I hope that you are able to figure out what could be causing/preventing your progress. You deserve to reap the benefits of your knowledge and advice as well! :white_heart:

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Thank you for your response. Well worded and thoughtful! I appreciate you taking the time to write that