I, a week ago, downed a bottle of antidepressants. I regretted it so much but regretting wouldn’t help me so I told my dad and I got admitted into the ICU in Sweden. I can’t remember the ride in or what happened on the way, only from what I’ve read in my med journal. It feels so weird. Not remembering a thing. I’ve been told that I said “If I don’t die now please kill me”, I feel uncomfortable with myself now knowing that.
After I got discharged from the ICU the “Child and adolescent psychiatry”(BUP in Swe) forced me into being in one of those “psychiatry centers” and didn’t get out until a few days afterwards. That place was literal hell. It was forbidden to go outside (literally no windows fr), they check on you once an hour if you’re in your room, they lock every room(even the coloring room and the wardrobe where you charge your phone(that I didn’t have) etc.
The only reason I got out early was my father, since I’m underage one of my parents had to stay with me and he did. He didn’t think it was a good place either to stay in and he started to feel depressed just being there, he wasn’t feeling good at all so he told me that we’re not staying here for long because he thought that this is how he imagined prison would be like. So my mother came a few days later, got into a meeting with them, my father and I and was discussing if I was going to be discharged or stay here for a month (or more). My father was trying really hard to get me out of there and me too, I was saying every little kind of thing to get out. My mother on the other hand couldn’t say much since I don’t live with her so she doesn’t know a thing about me. So I’m glad. I got out. But now I have to be observed at home too, I’m not allowed to be alone for more than 30minutes. But as long as I’m not in there, I am okay.
One thing is for sure, I’m not going to do anything stupid like that again to avoid getting admitted to that depressing place again.
Thank you for reading a short recap of my week. Sorry for my English.