I'm chronically homeless, angry and afraid

I have been homeless for over a year and a half now, going from sleeping in my mother’s car to on and of staying at different motels. My life has been incredibly unstable and at this point it really does feel like there is nothing I can do. I feel like that no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, at the end of the day I’m simply thrown back into the same viscous cycle of homelessness. I get a lot hungrier more often than I used to, and I feel weaker than I have ever been. So much has happened and I just feel so afraid.

I’ve grown really irritable lately with friends and family, like really badly angry, like absolutely horrible. At this point, I think I really turning into a bad person. I’ve just broken down so much that I really feel like there’s nothing left. There’s just nothing I can do.

Because I’ve been homeless with my family, I haven’t had time to myself at all and at this point it’s legitimately driving me insane. Sometimes I go out and walk around the motel at 4 in the morning just to walk up and look at the traffic. I’m always drawn to the road when I go out and I always fantasize about being run over or hit by a car when I go out because of it. I’m so afraid I might actually do it one day, that I might actually kill myself.

I’m an incredibly anxious and jittery person as is, just in my normal state I’m an anxious person. But with all this going on, these feelings have only heightened. I’m not close to anyone. I don’t have anyone to rely on when talking about this. But I am just not in the right state of mind anymore. I’m starting to act really irrational in a lot of ways that I have never done before. I really just can’t do this anymore.

I realize that this is a lot and that my words are all over the place, so please don’t feel like you have to respond. Thank you for even just reading. There’s a lot more I want to say, but it’s hard to even properly put into words. But in the end, thank you for listening to what I could say.

I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this right now, but thank you for reaching out. I’m not sure of the situation that got you into this position, however I do know that whatever country you are in, there is going to be someone who can help you. Reach out to your friends and explain what’s going on, I’m sure they will be understanding of your irritability. You can keep fighting this - its okay to need to go for walks to get away from your family when you spend every waking hour with them. Please keep fighting, you CAN get through this.

Hold Fast

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