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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Prison Sex by Tool
I’m crying right now with ugly face. I KNOW Tool. I have explored every track and know every bit of their music…BUT I SO NEEDED you to say that that responsibility to break the cycle is not fair. I live with the abuse that I endured EVERYDAY and now I’m a single father with a 10 yo son. I decided long ago that he would not live through the cycle that I have seen in my family for generations. I don’t talk to them at all we have built or own family…but that FEAR is always there… and that is the song H. and I think it would be great to see you react to it and to hear your understanding.
THANK YOU for your openness and courage to discuss these topics.
I also NEED NEED NEED you to listen to Pink Floyd - On the turning away. It is what Heart Support is all about… and I thank you for NOT joining in the turning away.
The injustice of having to be a cycle breaker is too often unseen and unspoken, thank you for bringing light to this topic as well and sharing about your own journey. It’s good to hear how this part of the video especially brings light on this topic, resonates with you and offers validation. Breaking the cycle of generational trauma is a kind of experience that shouldn’t even have to be, and definitely feels like self-sacrifice sometimes. Although you know that a decision would be right and healthy, it doesn’t make it easier or less painful to deal with. It forces you to grieve so many things at once, and the idea of how life should have been prior to any abuse and trauma. When you are forced to be in this position, it’s hard to not delve into the ruminations of wondering WHY it happened to you, and how to make sense out of it without hurting yourself even more.
Somehow, there is a strength to find in this feeling of injustice - it activates a needed anger that helps the wounded child that you were to stand up for themselves and the people they love. It’s an incredibly powerful way to embrace what is right, what is safe, and what love truly is - at millions and millions of miles away from the abuse you’ve suffered while growing up. It was sold to you as love or care because that’s what your parents also learned - but you have refused to stop looking at this narrative like some truth to be preserved. No, you’ve stepped away from it, saw it for what it is, named it accurately, and are doing the work of an entire family just in one life. That is a huge responsibility, and it’s understandable that it feels profoundly unfair at the same time.
For what it’s worth, I’m on the same path as you regarding generational abuse/traumas and going no contact with my parents. It’s been an insane amount of ugly tears and feeling like my soul gets ripped apart - which I have no doubt you’re familiar with. As you said so well, the sense of fear that feels like it’s sticking to you, at your core, is an awful reminder of all the pain you’ve been through and the burdens you’ve been left carrying as an adult. Sometimes it is healing to scream out the anger and injustice, but other times this very sense of unfairness feels like a cage that our soul could be stuck in for the rest of our lives. It’s hard to figure out how to move outside of it, to re-build a complete identity and purpose that isn’t the result nor the consequence of the abuse, without ever forgetting where we come from, without ever losing sight of who we DON’T want to be either.
You are without any doubt a wonderful dad who leads by example. Not one made of lies, illusions and false expectations. But one who learns to embrace their own vulnerability, who shows strength through authenticity, and who encompasses through who they are what unconditional love truly means. Your younger self would look up to you and be proud of you. I hope that, somehow, he can find comfort in the way you have been learning to re-parent yourself while being an amazing dad to your little boy.
@@HeartSupport Thank you for your response and sadly, your understanding…but more importantly your own strength… I know that I’m not alone in this trauma and I send you hugs and strength to continue your own battle. I came to terms with my abuse a long time ago…BUT I’m lucky and so many are not. What y’all are doing helps us all. Discussing these topics with a pure intention takes some of the sting away and opens doors for others to tell their story.
