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Belongs to: Therapist gets Sober by Tool
I’m drunk right now. I’ve been a drunk since I don’t know when. My only dream is to get more drunk and breath smoke.
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I’m super concern with your drinking & smoking problem as a friend. I just have a few questions to ask you. What is the reason that you are drinking & smoking? Is there something going on at home or school or job or any place? I’m not against people drinking or smoking, just be careful & do it in moderation. Just remember I can’t force others to stop doing something that you enjoy. It’s your choice and I will support whatever you will make. Just remember that your body is sensitive & precious.
There are negative health consequences from drinking. My younger sister suffered memory loss after drinking excessively for many years. She can’t recall something like 2-3 years ago. That was super scary for me to witness my sister. The main issue that my sister continues drinking after the doctor warned her numerous of times. I can’t help my sister because she doesn’t recognize or admit her alcohol addiction.
Your honesty and vulnerability are valued and appreciated here. It’s not easy to talk about our addictions, especially as they can often be tangled with feelings of shame. It may not be what you’re experiencing right now, or maybe just sporadically, but for what it’s worth from a stranger on the Internet, I see you right now and I’m thankful that you are here with us at Heartsupport.
What you describe makes sense, and so many of us would probably echo or relate to this process of just surrendering to the addiction until it gets the best out of us. It’s like walking on a separate, isolated road that, once you’re on it, doesn’t allow you to see behind the bushes all the other pathways to walk on. It feels like there is only one acceptable way to move forward, and it’s the one that the substance dictates for us. It feels easier that way though… there’s so much to lose when you try to find your way back up. When you only dream of getting drunk and breathing smoke, there’s this paradox of feeling like maintaining control of our life while also seeing it falling to pieces. Whether you are a “high functional” drinker or not, it’s hard to not see the impact it has on our life as a whole, and the vicious cycles it left us stuck in.
Even if it feels like this perspective is the only one you aspire to get, I would dare to imagine that a part of you, maybe buried deep inside, hopes for something else. You’ve posted here and shared experience, coming across a mental-health community focused on supporting each other through our struggles… and I would believe that you didn’t post by mistake. That somehow there is a part of you that has different dreams and perspectives, but they might be effing scary to even consider as being real. When you let yourself go downhill, there’s less to lose, and a higher sense of familiarity. If anything, you deserve a life in which you wouldn’t feel controlled by the alcohol or any other substance. A life in which you can be yourself without having to cope all the time just for the possibility to to breathe. You deserve to have a good life and reveal all the strength and resilience that exists within you.