I'm dying on the inside and dont reach out for help until it's too late

I dont even know where to start. I’m literally crying my eyes out and questioning my own worth, dreams, Hope’s, who I am and even my own life. I try so hard to be the example and live by it. I post on social media about it everyday. Be positive, know your worth, dont let ppl bring you down, dont care what ppl say about you. Be you. And here I am, once again the biggest failure. When my ex told it to me, it didnt really hurt that bad. But when my mom said it. It stung. It hurt so bad, I cant even function. All I can do is cry and question myself over and over again. I’m breaking. My ex has been trying to break me for months and I kept standing. Maybe not strong but I will still standing. But then 2 months later. My mom says the same thing. That I dont live how I say I do on fb and Instagram. How I am not an empath and cant, wont, dont understand ppls feelings. How I dont understand the depressed and other ppls emotions bc I dont reciprocate it. That all the work I do saying I understand and help ppl and I dont. I cant even think straight to type much more. I just feel like I’m rambling. I feel like I’m just done with life. I deleted fb and I’m about to delete social media. I don’t really know what that means for my future here. If there is even a future for me even. I feel like I have tried to be the best example for my daughter and the best mom and I just had the one that was supposed to be my mom and best example shatter me. How am I supposed to live past that? It really makes me wanna give it all away and give up.

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No matter what your mom says to you. You are so amazing and it’s an amazing thing that you try to make sure others are ok even when you’re not. Now it’s time for you to make sure you’re ok. And that’s ok.

Always here :two_hearts:

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@Charrabeans you are helping people by reaching out here and now. It’s totally okay that you’ve had to step down for bit - you can’t always take on the weight or others and yourself. You can be a positive influence but still have to come down and lean on others. I know it’s hard to believe - I’m still coming to terms with this myself, but, what your parents and peers say about you doesn’t dictate your worth. You’re worth this life because you’re a human and you are fighting. We are here for you - remember it’s okay that you needed to lean on others.

Hold fast

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Hey @Charrabeans,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. It means a lot that you trust us with your story.

I’m very big on positive self-talk. You will believe whatever you tell yourself, whether it be truths or lies. Right now you’re believing a lie that someone else has instilled in you. What defines “failure”? Just because you failed doesn’t make you a failure.

Right now what’s happening is fiery arrows are being shot at you. You have the choice to take the blow or to fight back and raise your shield. I need you to raise your shield to protect yourself, then pick up your sword and fight back. Words of death are being spewed all over you and it makes me sad to hear that they’re beating you down, but you’re SO much stronger than that. Take those lies and tell yourself the opposite - 3 times in the morning and 3 times at night. You’ll be surprised at what you start to believe.


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