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I'm exhausted

I’m just tired of always saying I’m sorry. I’m tired of taking the blame for everything that my bf thinks is bad in our relationship. Im always doing something wrong… I’m always in a hurry, I don’t keep the house clean enough, my clothes are too baggy and we don’t have sex bc I don’t ask for it. It’s all my fault always. Thank God for my dog. She keeps me alive.

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Itsjustmesa,

Ugh, how frustrating for you to be in a relationship like that.

Normally, when one is doing those things, “apologizing” constantly etc. is often because they’ve been through that in their lives and have seen it in their parents. We’ve been taught, and I’ll speak to women in general, to apologize often… often to cater to the male ego.

Here’s an interesting article on it from the Child Mind Institute - https://childmind.org/article/why-girls-apologize-too-much/

Anywho - you are not at fault entirely. You have been taught that and it can be unlearned through repetition. But ultimately, you shouldn’t have to do that in a relationship. I wonder his stance on your apologizing, does he like it - does he demand it? Is he emotionally abusing you? Lots of questions.

I’m glad you have your dog though. They are great for unconditional love… something that’s direly needed in the world.

Alternatively, though dogs can be welcoming they aren’t great conversationalists. Perhaps finding a professional to talk too is in order? Training yourself to not apologize is going to be difficult - it’s often seeded in a lack of self-esteem that’s been eroded over time. Bolstering and gaining that back would be better done through the help of a professional. They can also get to the deeper issues that might be plaguing you - whatever those might be.

I’m a mental health streamer and professional and selected your post to discuss tonight on stream. Feel free to stop by and chat, anytime. We’re a great community and love to support.

Best of luck,
DrDy.

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Hey friend,

Wow this sucks. The person who you want to love you and accept you more than anyone (your boyfriend) is constantly reminding you that you’re not good enough. That even when you try your hardest you could always be doing something better. I’m sure it’s exhausting to always try to please someone and have it never be good enough. It feels like in every aspect of your life right down to your core this person wants more from you. I’m sorry this is the situation you are in right now, but I am inspired by your bravery to reach out and say how you’re feeling. That was the RIGHT thing to do.

There is NO REASON that your boyfriend should be constantly tearing you down, because regardless of what he has said to you, it is not all your fault and you do not deserve to be treated this way. There are people in this world, our community, who would love to support you and encourage you. Who will remind you of all that you do right instead of what you do wrong.

I encourage you to seek out people like this. I’m thankful you have your dog too. Dogs are magical.

Sending love

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@Itsjustmesa

Have you talk to your boyfriend about couple therapy or counseling?

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He would never consider it.

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@Itsjustmesa

I’m sorry. I don’t have anything else to advise you.