My dad has an ear infection, I can’t help, my sister and stepmom are super skinny and dieting to get thinner, my brother hates my guts because of the lies my mom has fed him, and my baby brother, the one I swore to protect is getting beat up at his daycare, and no one will do anything. I failed them, and I can’t do anything to change it. I fail everyone, I think I just lost the only person that makes me happy too. I’m sick of dragging everyone into my problematic life. I’m physically and mentally drained from trying to be the best person I can to protect others and trying to make it seem like I don’t care what people think. I come home numb to everything, but by the end of the day, I’m crying and no sleep is ever present. I’m done. I can’t do this much more. I’m tired of hiding, I’m sick of being the responsible one. I just want to crawl into a hole, sleep, and never wake up.I’m done with this messed up world
Your baby brother needs you. I know you feel like you failed him, but you can still help him, it’s not too late. It’s never too late. You shouldn’t have to pretend that you don’t care, you should not care. As yes, you can’t flip a switch and make yourself do that right away. But you can, it just takes time and pride in yourself. You feel like you failed everyone, but you are just human, you don’t have to be perfect. Your brother hates your guts, but one day when he’s older and more mature, he will think again. You don’t have to be this person who’s taking on everything, doing these things for all these people. You deserve some for yourself. This isnt about them, it’s about you.
You don’t deserve to have these burdens alone.
Coffin - Black Veil Brides
Never let them steal the way you live and the way you die
I can’t imagine the amount of stress you must feel. That is a lot to carry by yourself, so thank you for sharing this here with us. Know that although you may feel like you fail everyone, that is not the truth. You care deeply and want what is best for those you love.
My hope for you is that you know the truth that you are not a failure and that in order to care for others, you must also care for yourself. That being said, being the protector and caring for others nonstop takes its toll and it becomes easy to neglect ourselves because we focus the entirety of our energy on caring for others, so it is very understandable that you are mentally and physically drained. It is hard not to want to try and control everything in an attempt to protect the ones we love, but the truth is, we cannot control everything. So, because of that, even if things don’t go well or not as expected in, you are not to blame or a failure. The love and support you give to those you love is proof of that.
Hold fast friend,