I'm fat and ugly

[HalloweenMaskMaker]

I hate being fat. I used to be skinny. Skinny isn’t the right word, because I’ve always had a bit of chub on me. Anyway, I hate the way I look. Every time I look in the mirror or in a photo of myself, I despise me. I am so just… ugly. And it is strictly my weight. When I was thinner, I didn’t feel ugly. Now I see myself as this behemoth that is undateable and unlikable.

My freshmen year of HS was my last thin year. I went into a major depressive episode in my sophomore year, where I didn’t go to school (to the point where I had to go to court for truancy), didn’t shower, and overate. I have never recovered from this weight gain, even though I’m not in that dark spot anymore.

I feel like everyone i talk to is out of my league, and I feel like I will never be happy unless I am attractive. I feel like I’m not attractive to people as friends or otherwise, and I feel like I will always lways be this way. It’s terrible. The worst part about it is, I still eat like garbage today. My parents buy the same unhealthy food that I can’t help but indulge in. I’m so gross. I want to get out of the house when I graduate this year, so when I go to college I can fix my habits. I should also mention that I think I have an eating disorder, or maybe a mental thing that prevents me from understanding when to eat or when not to eat. To clarify, I feel like I need to eat simply for the sake of eating. There have been days where I just don’t eat because I don’t feel a need to. But then things like flavor get thrown in, and I indulge for the good taste. It’s terrible, and I’m not sure what to do.

I needed to rant, im sorry. Thank you to anyone who listened to me. I’ll include photos of me now and then.

[ManekiNeko]

Your smile made me smile, ngl!
I’m so sorry your struggling with these thoughts and feelings, I just want you to know that your weight doesn’t equal your worth in anyway.
While it’s good to want to be healthy, there comes to play those other thoughts. I’ve definitely had a hate hate hate relationship with food and body image too. It can consume so much time and joy out of our lives.

@HalloweenMaskMaker

I feel like everyone i talk to is out of my league, and I feel like I will never be happy unless I am attractive. I feel like I’m not attractive to people as friends or otherwise, and I feel like I will always lways be this way.

This broke my heart to hear. You’re valued as the person you are and should always be valued as such. I know school can be a hellish barrage of people wanting to be the “it” crowd and wanting to compete to be the most adored, but those people and friendships fade for the most part. You’ve got so much ahead of you!

It’s amazing what small steps can start to change. I never cared much for drinking water, but it’s so good, or just quitting having sugar in hot drinks. There has to be a balance between wanting to be healthy and becoming obsessed and doing whatever it takes. It’s crazy hard fighting off those thoughts that keep intruding and distorting reality. Because over time you can’t even see the reality of what you actually look like.
Walking is great exercise if you want to start somewhere with that? Building habits can be hard and it’s okay to slip up, but once you start it doesn’t take long until you can add more healthier habits. I know it’s probably hard if your parents are buying not healthy choices, hey?

[Lisalovesfeathers]

Hey friend, I want to keep my reply as real as I can because I have struggled with my weight my entire life and at my age now I still will not look in a full length mirror at myself ever because I dont like what I see so I hear what you say and yes I completely understand how food can be somthing that can make you feel a moment of pleasure and satisfaction that doesnt come in the form of a lettuce of a fat free yogurt. I really do get it. BUT you are talking to yourself the way so many people talk about overweight people and thats a shame because its not gross to want something to make you feel better for a few minutes, what it is, is unfortuntate that, that is the thing that works and not something else. I would encourage you at such a young age to talk to someone about nutrition and diet and see if you can work out a calorie intake situation where you can still have the odd treat that will keep you interested and not make you feel like you are on a “diet” because thats the worst thing, being told your on one, that instantly makes you feel like you are being punished. There is no fast exciting way to do it, its simple realy says the girl who has never been able to keep the weight off. you have to have less calories going in than are being used it really is that simple so what ever you choose to eat you have to use up.
Im going to finish here but I want to end with your likeablility, the only thing that will make people think you are unlikeable is if you put out that you are unlikeable and its pretty clear you are not. weight has nothing to do with personality, it may affect your confidence but not your persona, you can be kind, caring, loving, funny, sincere and friendly or you can be all the negative things you want to be and that has no bearing on what a person looks like or how much you weigh so please friend we have already seen a talent in you and now we are seeing a personality. we just need your confidence to grow a little. Be kinder to yourself, give yourself a bit of love and respect. There is nothing wrong with your appearence but if you are not happy only you can work on that. I truly wish you well and look forward to hearing any updates.
Much Love
Lisa x

[SuperConductor]

It sounds cliche, but value really does come from within.

Although this is a shallow society and social media ideals are very depressing to many.

Beauty is skin deep, and if people stake their value in their physical, it is temporary and shallow.
Everyone ages, and anyone can get skin problems, weight fluctuations and changes in hair and health that suddenly their beauty ain’t what it used to be.

FOCUS ON YOUR PERSONALITY, BUILD the qualities of your spirit within. This is what everyone must do. When you love your inner person, that is projected outwardly and every human can FEEL that confidence and self-love. When your self-love is attached to WHO YOU ARE. Not you’re appearance.

You’re heart.

We’ve all seen less than attractive men with hot chicks, and people who don’t take themselves too seriously are really fun to be with. They’re funny and loving and confident and cuddly and assertive. They know themselves and have a light and joyful spirit. The kind of person that lights up a room. The kind of person everyone wants to talk to. NOT because of appearance, but because of their ENERGY.
Their spirit. Who they are.

[Sita]

I just wanted to add one tiny point, a reinterpretation of the events of your life that have led you to this point.

You overcame a heck of a hard time when that major dep episode was going on… and guess what? YOU SURVIVED IT!
And you’re not in that dark spot anymore.

Do you realize how strong you are to do that?? You say you overate and didn’t shower, etc, but i want you to celebrate the things that YOU DID DO, the things that made you power through all of that to get here.

Sure, your body changed, but your mind also changed, to get you out of it. I’m glad you’re here with us, glad you so clearly expressed what’s going on with you. i am so hopeful for your future. You know why? You’re great. Nothing to do with the housing unit, all about the amazing person inside, who’s already shown that they can overcome a lot of difficulty.

You’re using a lot of harsh terms towards yourself, and it’s not even directed at your weight. You can love yourself and hate the extra weight. You can love yourself and love the extra weight. But we need you to start loving yourself.

I’ll just run thru some of the language and why it makes it harder to make changes when we equate our issues with who we are. You are not your weight. You are not the current issues. You’re a deserving person, who matters

• I still eat like garbage (great use of language, the challenge is the eating habit, not a value or aspect or you)
• Every time I look in the mirror or in a photo of myself, I despise me … I’m so gross (problem language. Despise the weight, not you as a person)

i hope your relationship with food improves, and that you learn some of the tips mentioned above. but I hope you relationship with yourself improves too.

Weight takes a while to put on, and the reality is that it takes a while to come off. The person inside/within deserves celebrating for surviving, for being awesome, during that process.

We’re here for you to support you as best as we can. Also, I agree, the smile remains a winning smile keep smiling, and try to love yourself a tad more, as you go through this new adventure and journey

[HalloweenMaskMaker]

I don’t understand how people can love themselves when the general feel is that they are disliked or seen as ugly. I, unfortunately, depend very much on the opinion and support of others, because I am too afraid of what I am like, and I fear that I won’t have a good life because of the way I look. It’s that thought of (although unlikely) eternal loneliness that hooks me and reels me in. I wish that I could see the good in myself, but I grew up being called lazy, fat, among other things. I’ve had a good home life, but unfortunately I wasn’t diagnosed with Autism (even though I’m high functioning) until after my huge depressive episode, so all those times that teachers told me I was lazy or that I wasn’t trying, was me genuinely being unable to understand and process materials. Sorry, I’m kind of straying off topic here.

My point is, I’ve grown in fear of judgment, and being told something other than I am a disappointment or any other one of those words is what fuels me. Unfortunately it’s become a thing where I feel like I’m gripping for attention, and often I feel like I’m doing this all for attention, even though I know what I’m feeling is real and actually affecting me

[ManekiNeko]

I totally understand that sentiment. I really do, still do.
But when you surround yourself with people who are actually caring (like the people in this community), then it makes it easier

[happyzebra]

everyone should see what’s in your heart and not what you look like on the outside.