I'm feeling worthless

My friends ignore me when we text, it’s like I don’t exist. They make plans to see each other on the group chat that I’m in but I’m never invited. I also always check up on my friends and ask them how they’re doing but my friends never ask about me. Even if I said it to their face they probably wouldn’t care. I try as hard as I can to fit in but I’m never good enough. I just feel like I belong nowhere because wherever I go I cause chaos and everything falls apart because of me. And the worst part is that I’ve lost all means of showing emotions. I can’t cry no matter how hurtful the situation is, I can’t laugh no matter how funny something is. It’s all just so annoying sometimes. I can’t take it anymore. I just wanna end it all and make everyone’s life easier by not existing anymore. At this point there’s nothing left to keep me going.

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Hey @Nouniii,

While reading your post, this song popped into my head. I hope you enjoy it! You’re worth fighting for.

-Eric

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Hey @Nouniii . If they don’t care about you, if they don’t include you or ask about you, then they are not your friends. That’s not what friends do.
I had a group of friends once. Well, I thought they were my friends, but one day they just replaced me in the group and tossed me away like I never existed. So don’t settle for people who don’t give back the same effort. Exist for yourself. Accept yourself. I know that isn’t easy, but it’s a step in the right direction. Remember that no one is perfect. You are enough. You are.

Watch this and don’t give up! You are fine just the way you are!

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Hey Nouniii.
I feel like I could have written these words myself at some point in my life. Thank you for posting and sharing. I know there are a lot of people in this community who have been in similar situations and can relate. It sucks feeling like the odd one out, or unwanted. You absolutely deserve to feel appreciated. I want to go through this post one sentence at a time cause there’s a lot to unpack here.

If they are making plans in a group chat that you are in but not specifically inviting or including you, it seems like there is a problem in communication. Maybe try pointing it out? Or being honest and vulnerable with them about how that’s making you feel. I know you said that if you said it to their face the probably wouldn’t care, but here’s the thing… we can never know or assume how somebody is feeling or how they’ll respond. We just don’t know. It’s worth a try because you can’t control how they respond but you can control what steps you take to try and open communication and salvage an important friendship.

If they don’t respond with understanding and respect then maybe it’s time to set up some boundaries. Maybe leave the group chat and ask them not to make plans right in front of you unless is includes you.

You say you’re never good enough or you don’t belong because you bring chaos. Boy oh boy do I feel that one! Here’s what I’ve learned and would like to pass on… You are not a burden. You are good enough. Be yourself. You alone can not cause all the chaos or drama within the friend group. Sure there are always ways for us to improve or do things better, but whatever chaos there is …it’s not totally on you. You can not carry that weight on your shoulders. It’s on everyone involved. You have every right to speak up and be heard.

You say you can’t show emotions or cry or laugh when you want to. That sucks… to feel like you’re not displaying the right emotion. But there is no “right” emotion. You can’t force yourself to be sad or happy when you think you should. The same situation can make one person cry and make a different person just feel angry. Sometimes we just feel numb or overwhelmed. It’s ok to feel however you feel… or don’t feel. Those emotions are still yours and they are valid.

Lastly, about thinking everyone’s live would be easier by not existing. I’ve been there too… it’s hard to fight that lie when it feels so real… but it is a lie. You would be missed. These friends of yours clearly aren’t perfect, no one is… but you would be missed. You do not bring chaos with you, you can be a light and make someones day just by being you. We appreciate you here on the HeartSupport wall. Someone needs to hear the words you have to say.

You are enough. You do belong. Relationships are hard… give it time and be open to communicating, even though it’s awkward as heck. It’s worth a try. I’m proud of you for taking the step to communicate here.

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