i’m done. i don’t feel okay. i haven’t for a long time. i feel like the only thing i can do is isolate, hide from it all, and just be done. i’ve started to think about the suicide plan i wrote a while back. it seems like a real nice thought right now. it doesn’t seem too terrible. i just can’t. the battle is too tiring. i’m exhausted. i’m ready to just give up and surrender. i feel like i’ve lost. the poison that is depression has taken over it seems and i can’t reverse it. i don’t feel like i can find the light. whenever i get close it just gets farther away and i end up just…falling in the dark with nobody to help me up. i’m sorry. i’m really, really sorry for the worry that i may have caused or am causing. i don’t mean to worry anyone. i’m sorry if i’ve ever been too much or have ever been the source of hurt for anyone. i don’t intend to be. i feel like i’m doing a disservice by staying around if i’m being completely honest. i don’t think i can do it. i really don’t. i’m tired. i’m hurt. i’m broken. i’m lost. i’m alone. i’m done. i don’t feel like it’s worth all the loneliness, or the betrayal, or the exhaustion, or the hurt that i constantly feel. i don’t know…it just doesn’t seem like the positives are outweighing the negatives. the negative side is getting heavier from day to day and it’s getting too heavy for me to hold anymore. as i’m writing this i’m shaking trying to fight back the voices. they’re yelling, screaming, in my head and they won’t quiet down. maybe the only way to shut them up is to just…be gone.
Hello.
Extends hand to help you up.
My name is dave.
For some people, racing thoughts stem from something that has not happened and may never happen.
I feel your words i too have been in that racing mode.
there are many things to work on this,
one that i started with was a Mantra
Just repeating some words, I chose
Let it go,
while breathing deeply,
eyes closed.
To start with this, I have to say somenthing positive that I have get after reading your post. You say that you really are done and that your battle is already lost, but at least in my opinion, if you really were ready to give up, you werent going to post what are you feeling or what is making you suffer, deep down, you are writing this because you want to be helped, because deep down, you want to keep fighting and to not give up. And that goods because it means that you havent lost the final battle.
I have been there, to have so many negative thoughts together at the same time it can be so exhausting to keep trying to live a normal life. I remember the first months of 2020 and the last months of 2019, were my worst nightmares for me, I couldnt stop crying because of how I was feeling in that moment and the negative thoughts were everywhere, wherever I try to think the thoughts were there, wherever I tried to study, the thoughts were there to haunt me. Is really hard to live like that, I dont know how much time you have been feeling like that, but know that even that I dont know you, even that I dont know anything about your life but I admire you, for fighting 
I really hope that you get better and know that for whatever reason you need, we are here!
Take care