I'm kind of spiralling and I don't know who to go to

Hi. I can’t believe I’m back on this forum, but I didn’t know where else to go.

I’ve been restricting my calorie intake on and off for a year and forgive me for posting my “stats” here, but I’m 5’2 and 110 pounds, which is not overweight by any means, and I’ve already lost some weight by cutting down on excess snacking and eating when I’m bored, but I still feel disgusting about my body. I want to be skinnier so I can love my body more and so that I won’t feel so fat around other girls. The girls at my university are so gorgeous and skinny and I wish I could be like them so bad. I don’t have a particularly pretty face, so I feel like I have to “make up” for it by being skinny if that makes sense?

Recently, I’ve been drinking a lot (which I’ve stopped doing for almost a month now so yay!) but I went from 105 to 110, gaining five pounds, which makes me feel really really disgusting. All I want to do is lose weight and I’ve been eating under 1000 calories every day and am considering working out. I’ve been looking at weight loss tips on the internet, but everyone is telling me not to lose weight and it feels like no one is helping me achieve what I want. My goal is 90 pounds, which is underweight, but I won’t go any lower than that and I know I’ll be so happy and content when I reach it. My family invalidates me a lot and I want them to finally worry about me, too. So I guess the only way to get that is to be sick.

So yeah. I just wanted to put this out somewhere into the world and see what people think because I feel a little crazy right now and I can’t tell my family because they won’t care.


Gosh I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now. I can totally understand how you’re feeling. I was in those shoes and had those feelings. I want you to have a really deep look and think about if you really will find the happiness if you reach a GW. I know for me I felt that… well just a few more I promise I’ll be happier… just a few more. The thing is that sometimes body dysmorphia plays such a huge role into how we see ourselves. Looking back on photos I cannot believe how I actually looked.

I do think having a serious chat to a health professional could help start to build realistic goals and what your body needs in terms of nutrition. Another thing to keep in mind is that muscle tends weigh more than fat. I remember when I started working out and I was in tears having gained weight, but in reality I had lost cm. Fitness is such a great goal if you’re using it to really give your body what it needs.

I don’t want you to feel that you’re being pressured by any means. But I do know how much this mentality can hurt. You don’t want to lose years of your life worrying and crying because you find that you can’t find the satisfaction. Be kind to yourself, faith. You deserve so much more.


hey sid,

you are heard and valued here unconditionally. thank you for being vulnerable about something society has placed at the forefront of our minds: appearances and comparing ourselves to others. from what you’ve shared here, the thing that makes this feeling worse is the lack of support from your family. i’m so sorry that you have to shoulder the emotions that come from invalidation and neglect from the people you would expect the opposite from. their invalidation and neglect does not deserve you destroying your body with illness.

we only get one of these bodies to work with. it sounds like you’re taking the steps necessary to cutting down on excess snacks which is awesome! but i’ll level with you: as someone who’s been hooked up to TPN twice, the digestive system and dramatic weight loss is a dangerous game. it sounds cheesy but the thing that shines brighter than any expensive make-up or skinny waist is a heart filled with love and a passion to change this world for the better. i hope with everything i got that you can reach out to a dietician or counselor to help re-frame these approaches to your goal weight. please protect the body that houses that beautiful heart of yours, a heart who still has so much love to give and receive. you have infinite value and are so incredibly loved, my friend. we’re here for you and we all believe in you.




Oh how frustrating when we aren’t happy with our body and we compare ourselves to others and find ourself lacking. It makes us feel so less than, so ugly, fat, unlovable… We see ourselves as unworthy. And we hope that we can find that worth, that acceptance, that love and happiness with a number on a scale. I feel your frustration. You are trying soooo hard and yet it’s not working. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

l agree with ManekiNeko that talking with a health professional could really help you understand nutrition and how your body handles food, exercise and sleep. The three interplay very closely. One thing I was told is that eating fewer than 1200 calories a day actually slowed my metabolism and I gained weight.

More than anything, when you look in the mirror next time, instead of listing off what you don’t like - take the time to tell yourself 5 things that you do like about your face and then do the same for your body. We always seem to see our “flaws” first and focus on them. Take some time to focus on the beautiful you and tell yourself what is beautiful about you. It’s hard to do at first but then you may find that you will see yourself as others do. You matter. You have value. You are unique. The world has only one you here - please take care of you. We need you, just as you are.


Hi there @sidryza,

Congrats on being one month sober, and welcome back to HeartSupport! It’s great to have you here.

It sounds incredibly tough to be continually invalidated by your family, and it’s understandable that you’d want to lose weight. Feeling fat is really hard. With that said, as you likely know, your weight is healthy, even though it doesn’t feel good.

I know if I say something like “you’re beautiful the way you are”, that probably won’t resonate (even though it’s true), because comparing oneself to others and generally feeling bad about oneself is complicated. Complex challenges rarely have simple solutions.

So I’ll leave you off with this, instead: I, along with the whole of the HeartSupport community, am rooting for you. I hope you have a chance to talk to a nutritionist or someone who can better support you to form a healthy diet that will feel good for you.

Thank you again for reaching out here and for sharing.

Wishing you all the best,
<3 Tuna


Hello, sidryza, and welcome back to the forum :hrtlegolove:

I understand that you want to lose more weight but your weight is in the normal range and your goal is underweight as you seem to know. This is probably exactly why those in your life are encouraging you to stop. What you achieved is wonderful in making your eating more healthy by cutting down on snacking and bored eating.

Our bodies need fuel. It can be incredibly dangerous and unhealthy to eat less than what your body needs to function especially while exercising. I know that you want to lose more weight but when you don’t eat enough your body can be affected negatively. I hope that you have done research on these things but in case you haven’t I hope you will give this article a read through. Healthline is a reputable site for information on health so I hope that the information in the article may help you understand what your current path is doing to your body in the long term.

Please do not make yourself unhealthy especially knowing you are doing that on purpose and in order to get attention from your family. Please find a healthy way to achieve your goals.

I do not want to invalidate the way you feel about yourself and I know that the usual spiel of loving yourself how you are would probably not help you in the state your mind is in. I’m not a professional, I am simply a person online who cares about you and your health. You do what you think you need to do but please do so safely and listen to your body’s signals. Please tell people when you feel faint and do not be afraid to ask for help if/when you feel like you need it. Nutritionists can help you find a good plan to achieve your goals in a healthy way. I would also like to point out that there are many apps and sites designed for mild exercise that may be good for lower calorie diets like the one you wish to be on. Even if I believe it is unhealthy for you to consume so little, I again will not try to tell you what to do with your body. You came here for our opinions and for our advice it would seem? I hope that some of our words help you.

Just please be careful, do some research, talk to people, and most of all listen to yourself and your body. Good luck and please keep posting about your journey if you wish to. We care about you :hrtlegolove:


Hi Friend, Thank you for posting.
I am going to be totally honest with you here, I have the complete opposite issue to you, I am overweight and have struggled with that my whole life so although in that way we are different I think we see our bodies in very much the same way. It saddens me that you feel that the only way to be attractive is to be underweight when really you are putting yourself at risk, our bodies need a decent amount of nutrition to keep us well, Im overweight and have pain in my joints, its not a fun way to live, you could also be damaging your body so yes you could reach your goal but that doesn’t mean automatic happiness. Im not the person to tell you what to do by any means but as @ManekiNeko has said it would be wonderful if you could talk to a health professional, that way if you do insist of losing more weight you can do it in a healthy way under supervison so that you stay well. I honestly do understand hating your body but I also understand being stuck in a painful one, please dont let this happen to you. I imagine that I would see you as one of those beautiful young women you talk about and you deserve to have a happy and very healthy life. I hope that is what you choose. Much Love to you. Lisa. x


Thank you for sharing where you are. Tough. I have talked to a qualified nutritionist before and I discovered they can look at where you are, where you want to be, help assess any medical contributions. Also help recommend things to help you to be at best spot for you. And it isn’t bad idea to have such insight as you try to reach whatever your goal might be.

And me? I try not to compare myself with others. Why? Because I am ME! And, honestly, there is no one else just like me! It sounds trite, I am sure. But I like to concentrate on my good qualities. And develop my positives and in the process it tends to diminish my negatives. Sure I work on my negatives, but it is not in comparison to others. I have found out that when one really learns what is going on with someone; it is often not at all what I thought. So you are gorgeous in your own way! Someone always looks better, has more money, has better job, has better clothes, smarter. But ya’ know what? I have some things and I love it. Doesn’t matter what others think/say! Much love!