i’m a lonely dirty greasy fat piece of shit with no life and extreme anger issues and i am way too fucking sensitive online or in real life
i have intrusive thoughts because of ocd and they usually involve thoughts of incest and fetishes, and adolf hitler had these same fetishes and was incestuous, so how am i not comparable to him?
and the fucking most pathetic part of this is that these intrusive thoughts take up every second of my time on this fucking miserable span of existence
i want to get castrated, i want to remove my eyes and my fingers and mutilate my nostrils and ears until i can’t feel anything anymore
i can’t socialize because i’m too scared and i say too many embarrassing things and i know nobody will think anything of me besides a useless piece of garbage. nobody pays attention to me, and that’s how it should be.
people have said that i’m cute and i have had plenty of people crush on me but that’s really because they only care for the aesthetic part of me and try to ignore how worthless, disgusting and pathetic i am
i wouldn’t be surprised if i just picked up a razor one day and slit my fucking throat. i often get thoughts like that and sometimes will go to attempt but then stop myself.
i hope i go through with it one day though. atleast i won’t feel disgusting anymore and burden other people’s lives. i’ll be forgotten
First of all i will not judge you for anything i am here to talk if you need. And people don’t ignore how worthless or disgusting or pathetic you are they just don’t see it and no one will ever see it cuz yea i don’t know you but i know for a fact that your not. And i am telling you just please dont even pick up the razor. You will never be forgotten and if you leave it will impact all the people who care about you who you might not have even knew cared about you. We can’t get mad at our selfs about the shit that we think i mean we can’t really control that sometimes. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. You and your struggles your life your worries what you go through it all matters, you matter, if you have anything else to say i am here
Hi Blocky, thank you for posting here. I am glad HeartSupport could make a space where you felt safe to discuss some difficult topics. Your story matters.
I think that even though I do not have the same thoughts as you do, I can come to where you are to understand how intrusive unwanted thoughts are. I think a lot of us here will relate to struggling with thinking about things or thinking things about ourselves, and those thoughts being unwanted.
You mention that people crush on you, but it seems like you feel like they only care about what they see on the outside, without knowing what is going on inside. It can really be hard to feel unseen when you are experiencing something like this.
I encourage you that next time you feel like reaching for self harm, or really feel low, that you reach out to a crisis resource. The best part about the anonymity of a hotline (or even posting here) is you have access to the thoughts, opinions, and resources of many different people who come together to support you. Maybe you find what you need to encourage you on a healthy path on one of your tries, and I truly hope you do.
I can only imagine what you struggle with, but your story matters here, and your experiences and agony struggling with your thoughts does not equate to you being unworthy. That is what we are here for, to provide that space and that recognition of your struggles.
I am sorry you are dealing with intrusive thoughts, and thoughts of self harm. I truly believe you have worth no matter what, and here you are no burden, you are a part of a community.
I hear you, I see you, and you matter.