I hope I’m not bothering. Sorry that’s always a problem with me and I say sorry a lot too. I feel like I should be sorry because everything I do I ends up messing something up. I’m sitting home alone being swarmed by unwanted thoughts and my mind is telling me to act on them. I don’t know what to do anymore because my life is falling apart.
I have no friends to talk to about anything anymore and that’s hard because I like to think I’m a very social person. Recently I took some time away from college to get help but I know nothing can help me anymore. I find life to be painful no matter what I do. I can’t even enjoy good moments because I’m so swarmed by everything in my head. I really am running out of options and there’s the bottom of the box options that keep telling me to do them like negative coping skills or even worse. I just want to know the future because all I can see is failure right now. It makes me want to die. My parents are ashamed of me, I have no friends, no enjoyment in life, and therapy/meds don’t work so what’s the point. I’m getting tired of fighting for nothing because why am I wasting my energy on something that has no substance. Me. I’m spiraling into madness. Having multiple panic attacks per day, getting paranoid from random noises, and just being depressed over nothing. I’m scared that I want to hurt myself and I can’t see the future. I just no there’s no hope for me and I’m helpless. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Sorry for wasting your time. I just need help.