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Im never enough

I keep trying to tell myself I am enough…That this helplessness and hopelessness I feel isn’t justified… No one wants to be with me. When I care for someone they lead me on and use me. Leaving me when they are finished. I try everyday to smile and be happy but its hard. I feel myself slowly giving up again and its scaring me.
My own father doesn’t love or want me because I dont see his way of thinking… Even he told me I didn’t deserve to be here. I dont want to be here… Theres so much more to say but I feel like no one would care anyway…

Hey! Can I ask you why it doesn’t feel justified?

It’s okay to not be happy all the time you know. We don’t like being sad or let down, but sometimes we just are or have to be. I once heard something that’s stuck with me ever since the first time I heard it. “It’s not about forcing happiness, it’s about not letting the sadness win”. It’s okay to just sit with your anguish and dejection and just experience it for what it is.

It sounds like you are looking for love, or a real connection with someone. Now I’m no cupid, and I can’t tell you exactly how to do it, but I can tell you that it is coming. Someone is coming for you, someone will cross paths with you and you will be treated good and fair, and love will be experienced in all of its might.

You feel hopeless, you are slowly tricking yourself into thinking that nobody is there for you. But that’s just not the case, my friend. I know it’s hard, this life. Giving up, calling it quits, forsaking every soul you’ve ever come across, it all seems worth it. Doesn’t it?

But it’s not. You see, even though your rage and frustrations might feel justified for a time, like all things they too eventually fade. And then you’re left lonely and afraid.

Please don’t hold yourself in contempt, and don’t hate those who have wronged you. It only serves to hurt you in the long run.

Forgive those who hurt you, and try to see why they did it. Try to understand that they are struggling too. We’re all wounded, we’ve all got scars, we all know our own unique forms of trauma. Most of us have no idea how to hanidle the things we’ve experienced, and so we wrongly hurt those around us because if we direct our emotions at something real, our problems seem easier to handle

I’m sorry that you’ve fallen victim to the hands of those who haven’t quite figured out that their actions can cause adverse effects of those surrounding them. But please, do not let them define you. You are the only one who can do the things that you do, and I’d really like it if you could find that inner reserve of strength and just continue to see through this life, as hard as it can be sometimes.

You’re not alone in this. None of us are. Just keep pushing, keep fighting your demons and the demons around you. Be brave, and know hope.

You will survive this. I promise :heart:

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Thank you…
I do not hate them… I can never bring myself to. But to hurt others and blame them for that action is hard to forgive. I’ve been trying to fight the constant sadness and was doing well for awhile but everything came crashing down in a months time. It’s been so hard to handle. I have no given up on love but right now I’m terrified of it.
I’ve done my best to be nice and helpful to everyone I meet and to forgive so that Ondont old the negative in me. It’s gotten me used so many times . I’m starting to want to change and that’s scary. That’s not me

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Forgiveness can be hard, but not as hard as not forgiving them. As hard as it might be, you will find that forgiveness is worth it. You must also find forgiveness within yourself as well, allow yourself to let go of the growing pains you’re experiencing, and you’ll see that the good vibes will slowly start trickling through the cracks.

Now, you should be terrified of love. I don’t think that any person who was ever in love was not terrified of it at some point or another. I mean, think about it, someone else is choosing to take after us when we are both strong and immeasurably weak. Someone comes around and holds us closer and tighter than our own parents did growing up. We let them in, we tell them things about ourselves we spend whole lives trying to hide. You’ll read these things and realize that the action of any of this isn’t so scary. The action of their leaving is what terrifies us. But here’s the thing about love, when it’s real, when you find that match, they don’t leave. They will argue with you, they’ll laugh with you, and they will love you all at the same time. And it’s okay to be scared of love, really it is!. But what’s not okay is trying to do your best to avoid it. By doing that, you only reinforce your own demons, and they build your walls so high that you’re not even sure if you could scale your way over of them let alone someone else.

Take your time the way you need it. Don’t rush yourself into things. Wake up tomorrow and just focus on things one at a time, look in the mirror and really try to see yourself as someone worth loving, as someone who experiences pain but doesn’t succumb to it’s terrible weight. Think about everything you have gone through, and look at the weathered masterpiece that is you. Admire yourself. Then go out and use your efforts to bring out the best of yourself in everything you do, really show yourself that you’re not broken.

You’re bruised, or maybe a little bent out of shape. But you’re most definitely not broken.

I used to be like you. I often felt like being used was a bad thing. But then I realized something, even though they were using me, I was still doing good. You being used doesn’t mean that you’re a bad thing, that just means that the people using you are bad people. You should be proud that you can do things for them that they cannot do for themselves. Honest hearts often suffer the worst for a while, but so long as those hearts remain honest, when it comes time to reap, they reap a plentiful bounty.

We all must suffer, we all must know pains and heartaches. Those don’t make us special.

What makes us special is how we choose to see through all those dark times. You are a fire in a sea of dark, idle souls wander the abyss and then they stumble unto you, and as the caring person you are, you ignite little fires in their own hearts, and as they pass, some will grow into burning blazes such as yourself, and others will fizzle out and extinguish until they learn how to foster their flame properly.

And to me? I think that’s one of the most admirable things a person can do. I think that’s one of the greatest qualities a soul can have. You should be proud of who you are and what you’ve become. You are hope, Kendahl.

Just believe in yourself and things will fall into place, and if you ever need help again, you know we are here. We will do our best to help you out and look after you. But please do the same for those around you too. Keep your own flame burning bright :slight_smile:

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Thank you so so much for all of that :heart::heart:
I have smiled for the first time in awhile

Best of luck to you! I hope you find your peace, and if not, we’ll always be here!