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I'm not even human anymore


#1

Emotions are gone. I’ve got nothing left to say. I don’t speak to my friends or family anymore, even when in their company, I just don’t have anything to say. I’ve lost contact with so many, and never felt any remorse for it. Those who still try to call me a friend are growing more and more concerned, yet I still ignore their efforts to talk to me or I just tell them that I’m fine and need to be alone. All the while… I feel as if my time here is nigh on done. I’ll either suffer organ failure from all of the drinking, or I’ll wander off into the woods to never be found. The tears stopped a long time ago, now there’s only blackness


#2

My friend, I am so sorry you are in so much pain and darkness. It breaks my heart to hear that. I really appreciate you posting and reaching out. Depression robs us of our humanity and makes us feel so empty and cold. I get that. I feel the way you describe many days. Have you spoken to a counselor about all of this? It would seem that talking to someone, even if to just get all of this off your shoulders, would at least help in some small way. I don’t want to see you go even further into the dark pain of suffering.

Please know you are not alone in your feelings. Depression really is so hard to understand and it does take away so much of our lives. I want to see you heal and find some relief from this. If you feel like you keep going further this way, please continue to reach out to us here. I don’t want you to feel like no one cares. We may not know each other personally but we do all care here.

If you feel like your friends or family are concerned, I would consider trying to speak to them about all of this. Perhaps they can offer comfort and support as well. The fact that they are concerned shows that you are not alone even if you feel that way. Please try to speak to them if you can.

What hobbies or activities can you do to help you when you feel this down? Maybe try and find something each day this week that helps bring a smile to your face. It can be simple. I just want to see you feel better.

Keep us posted my friend. Know that you are loved, valued, and full of amazing potential!
Stay strong and hold fast! God loves you no matter what and so do we!

  • Geoffrey

#3

Thank you for the response, I do appreciate it. Thing is, I know people care about me. I know I’m in their thoughts and that they wish me the best. It’s me that’s the one who doesn’t care anymore… there’s a voice in my head that won’t shut up, and it’s saying only one thing on repeat. “All you can do is decide the man you want to be for the time you have left”


#4

Hey!
I’m so happy you came here to share your struggle and one question came to mind while reading the posts. What man do you want to be? There is a ton of different paths that can be taken when asked this question and it sounds like it’s been on your mind a lot.

I honestly have the same question in my head all the time and it can be a daily struggle to decide the man (or female in my case) I want to be.

-Maddie