I feel so bad. I feel so worthless and empty. I feel so lost…
I just want everything to go back to the way it was… I want my fucking boyfriend back.
I want the relationship we had back…
I keep telling myself I did it for a reason.
Our relationship was so fucking toxic. He was so fucking toxic.
But I love him so much… still.
It’s like I can’t get away from him. He’s constantly in my dreams. He’s constantly in my thoughts.
In my dreams he tortures me.
Im lucky if I have a night that he’s not in my dreams.
I was with him for three years. We were planning on getting married and having kids… oh what a dream that was. I really thought it would happen.
Its been three months since I broke it off with him.
And it still hurts like hell…
It might feel even worse now.
There was so much wrong. Soooo much wrong. I still fucking love him even though with all of the shit he pulled in the beginning and throughout our relationship.
This isn’t even everything I’m depressed about. Everything feels so heavy and I just want to end it all. Theres this other thing I’ve been thinking too much about and it scares me. There’s just too much to say in this post.