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I'm not used to this (long one about pregnancy struggles)

Hi again.

I’m not really sure how to say all this so this might be a little scattered.

Basically, being pregnant has been hard. My first pregnancy was a failed pregnancy and made me extremely sick. I ended up losing 20% of my body weight in a month or so, was just short of bedridden (any movement or anything that required energy basically made me nauseous and very dizzy) and I eventually convinced my terrible doctors something was wrong and eventually they induced a miscarriage and literally the moment I took the medicine I felt better - I could eat again, my brain fog was gone (my memory of that time is a little hazy), etc.

4 years later, I have a new career that I enjoy which pays well, my husband and I had paid off all of our debt and bought a house so we decided to try again for kids.

It took us 7 months to get pregnant after we started trying. I could tell 2 weeks before the positive pregnancy test that I was pregnant. One of those ‘you just know’ sort if things I guess. Anyway, it took a week or so to get in to see my doc and get a pregnancy test and for that week, while I was starting to get sensitivity to smells, feeling more tired, shortness of breath (I was surprised to find this is a sign of early pregnancy and it was one of my first signs) and I needed to get a toothpaste that wasn’t as assertively minty, my husband was weary and didn’t want to accept that I might be pregnant. I don’t blame him… he took the loss of the first pregnancy pretty hard. It was frustrating though.

After I got the confirmation from doctors that I was indeed pregnant, my husband has been more supportive than ever. I got morning sickness about 6 weeks in. I had a lot of trouble eating or drinking much of anything for 2 months. I was certainly dehydrated. Had no energy. Always sick. If I was not in bed I was feeling ill. I ended up moving my work to the couch (I work from home thankfully) so I could take naps during my breaks.

The nausea medicine my initial doctor prescribed for nausea didn’t help in the slightest (reglan) and any time I would call to complain and see if there was anything else that would help, they just told me I need to struggle through it. I went to Urgent Care where I was told to take Unisom and B6 (diclegis basically) and that was my first sign of relief. I still had a long way to go though and eventually was transferred to a different hospital with a different OBGYN (I was determined to be high risk) who told me to take dramamine and finally! I could get through the day without being sick most days and now, in my 2nd trimester I still feel sick in the mornings but I can usually take Omeprazole (think Zantac type thing) in the morning and get through it and be fine for the rest of the day.

After 2 months of morning sickness I found it hard to walk. I think this was a combination of my Cerebral Palsy, being on the couch or in bed a lot and not being able to eat protein for most of the pregnancy up until that point. I still had/have shortness of breath which is likely exasperated by my blood pressure meds.

My husband helped me get up and around and moving again, slowly but surely, all the while taking care of all the housework after he’d finished his shifts, doing all the shopping and making sure we had lots of whatever I could stomach at any given time. I think it was around this point where I started feeling like I’m not doing enough.

I don’t like having such little energy. I don’t like having to walk slower because my legs still hurt and I am still fatigued. On top of that, when I get tired, the nausea comes back. It doesn’t take much to make me tired.

I started going on grocery trips again so I at least have that time to get some exercise. Sometimes we go look at baby stuff on the weekends.

I am glad my husband has stepped up like he has and basically kept our life in order when I wasn’t able to. Now, with nausea loosening it’s grip on me I feel like I should be doing more. Emptying and loading the dishwasher shouldn’t be that hard. Straightening up the house. But it is. I feel like my body can’t keep up with my mind. I want to be productive but I just can’t. I barely have the energy to take showers every few days or get dressed a lot of the time. Much less housework. And I feel bad because there has been zero intimacy in the relationship since I got pregnant because I just can’t.

The lack of energy is depressing. The lack of ability to do anything meaningful to help with adulting is depressing. The lack of energy to be intimate is depressing. My love language is physical touch, since I was abused as a kid I became one of those people who hated physical touching, it makes me flinch. My husband is the only person I trust to touch me, even if it’s just a hug. But now I have started flinching again because I’m no longer desensitized to touching anymore and that is something I’ve always felt bad about in the relationship and he had had to work with me over the years to for him to be able to hug me or whatever without me flinching. He even warns me that he is about to touch me and I still flinch half the time. But I digress.

I hate this. I’m glad I only have about 4 more months left of being pregnant. I want to be functional again.

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Hey,
I’m sorry to hear of your loss, but congrats on your rainbow baby.
I know pregnancy is so difficult, I remember throwing up outside someone’s house once while taking my eldest to toddler group!
Listen to your body while you’re pregnant, I know it’s difficult and please don’t feel bad about it, you’re growing a whole new human!!

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Thanks. I need to hear this from the outside. It’s hard for me to accept my shortcomings sometimes.

Pregnancy is tough, your body is going through so many changes to grow your baby, so please don’t be too hard on yourself. Look after yourself both physically and mentally

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Oh @Sapphire, this sounds like a rollercoaster of emotions and a lot of frustration to you - which is totally understandable. I never experienced pregnancy as such, and I can only imagine what you’re going through. You deserve to give yourself grace though. As Kayleigh said: your body is going through major changes. These are special circumstances and you are not expected to be able to handle all the things you’re used to do at different times or the same way. Pregnancy itself is not given enough credit for what it is. It’s not nothing. I understand the frustration of feeling stuck because of your body though, and having for only option to just wait until you can embrace a new chapter. Hold on to the truth that you are doing all that you can right now, and that it’s more than enough. Because really, it is. :hrtlegolove:

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Thanks @Kayleigh.xo and @Micro. You two have made me feel a lot better about my physical limits at the moment. I guess its hard also because I don’t know anyone else who is pregnant so I don’t have anyone that can level with me and understand what I’m going through.

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Have you been to antenatal classes? Or is there any local bumps and babies groups near you? That’d be a great way to make new friends who will understand what you’re going through too

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No, I haven’t. I keep meaning to look for stuff like this but it seems like between work and sleep everything is just kind of… I don’t know. It’s like time is so slow but at the same time it’s speeding by. Does that make sense?

100%, the hours go slow but the days go fast?

Definitely.

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@Kayleigh.xo

I took your advise and starting looking into classes. I’ve found a handful of places near me that do birthing classes and prices are reasonable.

I think the issue I face is that I’m running short on PTO and I’ve already worked out an arrangement with my manager in order to make up time that I need for doctors appointments. I don’t doubt that she would allow me to make time for classes, but as it is, it wears me out working 10 hour days to make up for the half days I sometimes have to take for monthly checkups.

But, I did find a place that offers online classes, which would be ideal for me and especially my husband since his work schedule is unpredictable.

What is your experience with antenatal classes and would you recommend something online?

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Hey! I’m glad you managed to look into some!
My youngest is 8 so it’s been quite a while since I did them but I stayed in touch with a few mum’s from antenatal classes with both of my kids for quite a while. I did find them helpful, however I’m in England and I’m not sure if they’re much different else where. I specifically did them through my local children’s centre with my youngest and hospital antenatal classes when I was pregnant with my eldest. I’m not sure if your hospitals do them?
With online, it might be useful, would it be for your local area so you could still connect with people too? I think the thing you’d also find useful is connecting with other pregnant people.
Is there any bumps and babies groups up and running near you?

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I wasn’t able to find anything.

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