I’m 22 years old and my parents are going through a divorce after 23 years of marriage. In the beginning of it, I tried to be understanding and went through the motions, but my dad became unusually nasty and mean to my mom. We chalked it up to him trying to burn the bridge to make the divorce easier on himself (like cutting the emotional tie). He got worse, though. He’s made empty promises to us -his kids- and was very two-faced until recently. I feel it’s because we’re finally standing up to him and will not be letting him control us emotionally. Now he won’t even say hi or share a dinner with us. It hurts so much, because we used to have a good relationship. I used to look forward to seeing how proud he would be as I go through school. He’s turned everything we had on its head. What makes me so mad a so full of hatred, though, is that my sister is not taking it well. She made an attempt to take her life. When my dad found out about it, he told her that she shouldn’t Feel the way she does because she has it good. That if she can’t handle what’s happening now, she won’t be successful in life. We just found out yesterday he’s telling his new girlfriend (he’s still living at our home, by the way) that he wants nothing to do with us (his kids), that we’re fucked in the head, and that we live like heroine addicts. I’m just so angry, and I feel like on the verge of snapping. However, I also feel I need to be the strong one in the family right now. I feel like if I keep calm while everyone is being emotional, I can have some control. I just feel it takings its toll, though.
Hi friend.
Wow, it sounds like your dad is really toxic right now. That really is unfortunate given that he should be someone who loves you and is supportive. I have a very rough relationship with my mother who is also extremely hurtful, mentally and emotionally abusive and toxic.
It’s never easy pushing away from parents and it often comes with a heavy guilt because they ARE our parents. But honestly, please do not be afraid to dissociate from your father for a while if you need to. He sounds really unhealthy for you and your family. So if you need to take a step back to escape his hurtful ways, do not be afraid to.
Family or parents, we should never feel like we are obligated to stay connected to someone who tears us down. How awful for your sister to go through something like suicidal ideation just to have a parent treat you the way your dad does. Im really sorry that you guys are being dragged through that.
I hope that you, your sister and your mother can find a happier and healthy life away from him and find healthier relationships and social circles. You deserve to be treated better.
People used to tell me and my sister that we were going to grow up like our mother. That we were just addicts in the making. That we wouldnt go anywhere in life. And you know what? Your dad may say things like that about you but that does not mean it is true.
Stay strong but know that you do not have to be the strong one all of the time. You are allowed to have moments of break down. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed. You are allowed to feel tired. You are allowed to grieve and hurt. So if you need a moment to just cry everything out and fall apart. Do it. It’s okay to release.
Are you able to access therapy at all? Because if you can do that, it could be a great help.
Heart Support is partnered with BetterHelp which is an online counseling service. They have a 7 day free trial that you can take advantage of. Just go to twitch.tv/heartsupport and click on the link to BetterHelp in their panels. From there as long as you cancel your trial before the 7 days is up you wont have to pay a single thing. You will have to put in a credit card to activate the trial. But are NOT required to stay. They also offer financial aid to some people. You can apply that if you need.
Anyway, I hope that things get better my friend. My parents divorced when I was very young. It’s never easy.
Much love to you
- Kitty
Thank you. I’ve been needing to let out my frustration. My mom works at a hospital and is able to get us 5 free sessions with a counselor. Most of my anger comes from being protective of my sister. I was just so hurt when I found out what she did, and the fact that my dad didn’t seem to care. My sister is so caring and she was the only one who reached out to my dad and tried to keep their relationship together when this started. He doesn’t deserve her.
Yea, that’s so incredibly hard and frustrating. Your sister is lucky to have you! You obviously love and care for her and want to protect her.
And that’s wonderful that your mom has counseling available! I hope you guys are able to take advantage of that.
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