I'm really just tired and stressed

[TheRats]

I’ve never been here before, but it seems like a good place to vent and talk to other people who struggle and maybe heal together. And I’m honestly really struggling recently.

Every day of the week, I get up and have to drag myself to school. I don’t even get much school work, but I can’t process it all so I just sit through the day, completely waiting for the end of the day. so I can finally relax a bit. But I have homework so I have to do that and when I’ve finally done that I get a bit of time to relax. But even then, I’m so tired that I just sleep. I feel like all I’m worth is my grades, and my grades aren’t the best. The only thing keeping me even remotely sane is knowing I get a two-day break at the end of it all and watching stupid youtube videos. I spend most of my days dissociated, barely remembering anything that’s happened. It doesn’t help that I was recently in the hospital for a suicide attempt and I’m not feeling much better. I can’t help but think I’m a toxic person all the time who’s only hurting those around me. No matter how much I try to be kind to myself, nothing is working. I’m so numb and tired I can’t even cry anymore. No matter how hard I try. No matter how many flashbacks I get. Nothing upsets me anymore. I just feel completely numb and hollow.

[bbrandon3]

Hey @TheRats, welcome to Heart Support! Hope that this can be a place where you feel loved. Thank you so much for being here and sharing because that takes so much strength. This is absolutely a place where you can come and just be yourself and talk through what ever is going on in your life. I am so sorry to hear about the struggles you are going through.

I can relate with what you are going through. I think especially with the quarantine during the last year, I have felt so burnt out and unmotivated. Even the things I enjoy doing, I don’t get as much joy out of and everything just feels a bit numb. It’s a vicious cycle that feels difficult to break out of. Heart Support actually just posted about burnout and some ideas/tips on how to navigate burnout (https://www.instagram.com/heartsupport/?hl=en). Let me know if you don’t have an Instagram and I can figure out another way to get the resources to you. I know that I am going to work on implementing some of them, so we can maybe try together.

Yeah I totally know what you mean when you say you feel like all you’re worth is your grades. I was like that when I was in school and it can be so stressful. I still feel that way at times with my work, but something I have tried to do is realize that my worth is not found in performance or what other people think of me. Really difficult to implement in life, but can be a really freeing mindset. This helps me have more grace and love for myself because I am not defined by my mistakes. I might make a mistake, but I am not a mistake. You are so much more than your grades. I do the same thing where I watch dumb Youtube videos lol just to try to distract from the anxiety of my job.

I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling much better. Life can be so overwhelming. I think that coming here is an incredible first step and I am so glad you are a part of this community. Anyways, I hope that some of this helps, but I would encourage you to continue to reach out and feel free to reach out to me personally if you ever need someone to talk to or would like to hear more about my experiences.

You are not alone

[Wings]

Just as a lot of people identify with their work, you are doing it with your grades. Who we are is much more than what we do. For example, if you’re flipping burgers for living, inside, you may have the potential to be a famous scientist, artist or engineer. In my case, when I was a janitor, I envisioned a future in which I could help people heal. However, even when I was a janitor, people came to me with their problems.

In your case, you’re a student, but you’re also someone with a productive future.

School was tedious and hellish for me, and I didn’t do well until I returned as an adult. I finally graduated with honors.

It sounds like you are bored to death, which is understandable because the way that our schools educate usually sucks. Still, the better your grades are, the better your future options will be.

There is nothing wrong with watching stupid YouTube videos, as the mind needs a break at times.

So, you are dealing with depression and boredom, each thing reinforcing the other. It also sounds as though you are a bit anxious about your grades. I suspect your thoughts are in a negative feedback loop. For example, if you’re disappointed with your grades, you find it depressing. The boredom is depressing you. I am pretty sure other things are weighing you down as well. You’re probably depressed about being depressed.

Depression induces lethargy, which makes you feel tired and want to sleep.

Consider however, that teenagers and even young adults often need as much as 12 hours of sleep. That may be what’s going on with you.

Feeling numb is one of the minds defense mechanisms.

You are not a toxic person! There is no reason to feel guilty about others feeling sad because you are feeling bad.

I think you need to change your routine in some way, perhaps by exercising or taking a long walk. Exercise stimulates the release of endorphins, which are natures antidepressant. Anyway, do whatever works for you to take your mind out of its usual thought patterns.

[Donavand]

I can’t give you a solution my friend, but I’ll tell you I feel the same. Last time I cried was two years ago when my grandpa died, work and school is hard seems impossible my days off work I usually skip school work and sleep. Best advice I can give is 1. Seek help, I start therapy in 48 hours well 47 hours now. 2. Being here on heartsupport I’ve been writing once or twice a week, venting and listening to what others say learning and all use it friend these people here are amazing and are helpful. 3. One of the hardest for me is take a few hours a week, go for a walk or run, gym just get out of bed and move. I’ve started small i YouTubed small at home work out routines I try to do a few times a week to just get blood flowing around and that’s helped me feel a little more alive. I’m here as many others are if you need to talk stay strong you got this!

[Kayla]

Hey @TheRats , @taylor dedicated a song to you on stream!

Hold Fast