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I'm really struggling

I keep trying to keep my head p but i just am so unhappy.

I have been really struglging since isolation of covid started. I have quit one long term job and one job just last week that was really a fantastic opportunity with good pay and benefits because im so unhappy.

I moved 3000 miles across the country about 4 years ago and have no family where im at. I only have 2 friends out here and im trying to figure out if i can live with them for a minute but money has been so tight and im considering moving home, which is literally the last thing in the world i want to do.

Im about to be evicted. I just am so lost and depressed and nothing matters. I find the most happiness in my life by watching and interacting w my favorite streamers, which is really sad. I am actually pretty personable normally but i need to find happiness and get to a career i actually enjoy but i have no idea how to get there realistically.

My apartment is disgusting, i barely want to get out of bed, and my sleep schedule is messed up. Im just so lost and alone.

Any help / advice would be appreciated…

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Hey @lockhaim

Thank you for being here with us and sharing this. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now and things have gotten pretty unclear with your living situation, your career and just finding ways to be happy in general. Covid really hasn’t been helpful regarding mental health. It has forced us to be far from those we love and the activities we enjoy and are used to doing. It’s hard to find a new balance of staying connected these days.

All of the isolation and difficulties staying connected on top of the threat of eviction must be such an incredibly heavy weight to carry and I am sorry this has been your reality. That much stress and uncertainty truly takes it’s toll. That being said, I don’t think you finding such happiness by watching and interacting with your favorite streamers is sad at all. It sounds like it is a source of comfort and joy for you and that is wonderful! Especially in a time where distance from others is so large, it is important that we take part in even the smallest of things that can bring us little joys throughout the day.

I would encourage you to try making a list of things that bring you joy. Whether that is watching your favorite streamer, talking on the phone or facetiming with those you love, listening to your favorite music or even just eating your most favorite food! All of these little things add up and are so very important. What brings us joy doesn’t have to be grand or elaborate. Happiness can be found in little everyday things and I think now more than ever, it is important we pay attention to those little things and try to enjoy them a little more. You are juggling a lot right now and so taking even a little time to care for yourself and just set down all that you are carrying for even a little bit is so important.

As far as getting to a career that you enjoy, that can seem like an incredibly daunting task. One that is so large and complicated it can be overwhelming. However, it is ok not to have all the answers right now. You are doing the best you can right now and I would encourage you to take moments to remember that whenever you are feeling overwhelmed or are finding it hard to see the things that make you happy. I am a firm believer in things falling into place as they should in the time that they are supposed to. Although that time of uncertainty and waiting, trying to find what you are called to can be difficult, you do not have to go on that journey alone. You don’t have to carry any of your struggles alone. Take things one day at a time, or even one moment at a time. It is ok to be gentle with yourself. Know that although loneliness can creep up and seem to surround you, you have a whole community here who is with you and for you. We see you my friend. You are loved more than you know and are stronger than you think.

Hold Fast,
Hannah

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I think you should listen to music, and find what songs make you feel joyful, alive. Even of they make your face be covered in tears.

Thank you for the super thoughtful reply. I am trying but like i just don’t know what to do to get on the right track. I have been through way worse and am definitely stronger for it but i feel like I’ve had so much weight and stress since ending my last LTR. It’s hard being alone. I feel like specially over the last year its just been spiraling. I’m so tired of being unhappy. I quit my job because I absolutely value my happiness over everything, but now I have quit my job without a safety net or proper emergency funds. I’m hoping I can figure out the living situation to room w a buddy, but if that doesn’t happen I’ll be moving home for probably at least a year, and at 30 years old it really is a big failure it feels like. If I move home I may not be able to bring my emotional support dog w me because he doesn’t get along w cats.

I barely find the motivation to charge my phone let alone clean, cook, etc. I just don’t know how I’m going to get home, find a place to live in the future ESPECIALLY if I get evicted, make money. I’m not even having thoughts of harm or anything it’s just like an unrelenting sadness and hopelessness.

My favorite artist was cancelled last year for legitimate reasons, i struggle to stay connected and communicate w friends and family at times like this. There are times I just feel an overwhelming rush of negative sad emotions from random things like shows, music, posts online. I’m just struggling to figure out how to get the motivation to do the things I enjoy. Just wanted to say hank you for listening.

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Of course! I’m always happy to listen and support you as best I can. It’s so hard to find motivation to even search for things that make you happy when that feeling of overwhelming sadness and hopelessness is so strong. Especially when those waves of emotion can come out of nowhere sometimes when doing random things like you mentioned. So it can be hard to navigate those feelings.

The stress and pressure of finding a place to live as well definitely has been taking it’s toll, understandably so. You figure you are trying to get your basic needs of shelter met so you don’t have a lot of extra energy to allocate to other things like what you enjoy or even being able to focus and search for those things you enjoy and bring you happiness. All of this is truly a lot to carry so know that it is ok to be feeling the way you are. I can imagine you must feel very defeated right now and I am sorry there isn’t a clear solution right now to what you are facing. But that is ok because like you said you’ve been through so much and have come out that much stronger and you will come out of this stronger too. We are here for you and care so much for you. Thank you for being a part of this community and sharing this all with us.

Hold Fast,
Hannah

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