I'm replaceable

For some reason the past week all I have felt is loneliness. I just want to isolate. I guess it’s a feeling of no one would care if I was gone because there are a lot of other people who they will love and move on with. And those words are words I’ve never heard myself say- but I realize that they’ve been lurking in my mind for a long time now.

And it’s annoying because I tell people all the time that that statement is simply not true- no one can replace you, and I can tell myself that but that doesn’t mean I feel it. Which I should feel it. And I should know- but I just don’t. And I don’t know why. I have been shown so much love from this community you’d think my brain would get it and hold onto it- but it doesn’t. It’s like I just don’t want to feel it.

A lot of stuff has happened in regards to friendship in my life- in eighth grade is when basically all my friends decided to become popular and left me behind, and it just got worse from there. I feel like maybe they tried to include me in their lives- but I was so shy I backed out of everything, so maybe it’s just my fault why people leave me.

I guess whenever I see someone getting close to someone else I get scared because I just know that that person is going to drift away from me.

I have a dear friend who I love to death, but they tend to leave and follow a different group of friends for a while- and then when that stops working out they come back to me and I have to pick up the pieces. And that’s not trying to throw shade at them or anything- I love them so much- it’s just how I feel. Maybe I should talk to them about it but I always get scared I’m going to make people mad at me or make them upset.

Something that really hurt me was a boy that I liked and he liked me too, but he would never talk to me at school. We even sat at lunch together, right next to each other, and he never spoke to me. It was only through text. He talked about how he didn’t have friends but he would always walk around with his clique at school. I remember the day he tried to get my phone number but I was wary so I didn’t give it to him, and then a few days later one of his friends came over and gave me his number.

I remember how all the girls were blushing and giggling at my table- and I’ll admit, I was too. I never had a guy talk to me, and never had a guy actually interested in me.

So- I texted him. There were a lot of late nights, a lot of times I would blush and giggle. We literally hung out once- but he had some other place to go. Which was OK back then because it was 9th grade me.

Then in 10th grade my grandmother dies- and all he said was "I feel that :frowning: " like that was it. And it pushed me over the edge because it’s like he didn’t care. Honestly I don’t think anyone cared- not when my dad almost died or when my grandma did die. I remember telling my chemistry teacher (who was really not nice) and she never cared o ask again- and no one noticed at school. I told one person and they never really asked about it. There was only one person who did and I don’t even have them now. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself for letting these people back into my life over and over and over.

I hate myself for letting my heart get broke over and over and over and get stepped on by the same people.

I’m forgotten, and I always have been. Whether it be friends or family I am literally always forgotten. I’m the last pick and the last resort.

This is why I feel alone. This is why I have trust issues. This is why it’s hard to let people into my life. This is why I get jealous when I see people getting so close because I think that I’m thrown out- because that’s how it always has been.

I’ve been kicked out and let down and forgotten so many times. And that’s why right now I feel alone, and why I think people can replace me, because all my life it’s happened over and over and over continuously.

Dear @Lyss
You are not alone. You are not replaceable. Life is hard, it sucks sometimes. But you have to drive on; you have to persevere.

 What you describe here isn't your fault. I talk on a day-to-day basis with people in similar situations -I'm not a therapist, but I'm a high-schooler- people in some of the same holes. I've told people that same thing, "You are not replaceable" so many times that I've lost count. And that sentence is true, those people themselves know it, but it doesn't click. The hole you're in isn't uncommon at all, unfortunately, but I digress...
 You aren't alone,  nor are you replaceable. 
 This "friend" doesn't really seem to be what they appear. In high school, that seems all too common. You have to avoid these people, they sap everything out of you for their own gain, then leave, only coming back when they need something. Don't be scared to talk about it with them.  Either they'll do something about it and fix the problem,  or they'll eventually just flat out leave. 
 You are loved, you will find that there are people in this world who really do care for your well being. Find those people,  and associate with them. People like those of us on HS.
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I totally get how you feel. I’ve been feeling that way for a while also.
it’s okay that you feel that way. I understand how it can be annoying to tell people that they are worth so much, when you don’t even feel like you’re worth anything. it’s really hard. it’s okay to not know why. most of us here have no idea what is happening, and why it is. we’re all trying to make sense of our messes and lives together and it’s okay if you feel that your brain can’t grasp it.

I totally get where you’re coming from in terms of friendships, and having trust issues and all of that. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, and you don’t deserve to have that happen to you. you are so loved and cared for, you are so nice and caring its insane, and whoever has hurt you and left you in anyway, doesn’t deserve your time or to be in your life. I know thats hard because it seems like even though you’ve been stepped on so many times, you know you’d be there for them again in a heartbeat. but please listen to me. it is not bad to leave a person if you feel like you are being stepped on. I had to do that with a person in my life who was having such a negative impact, and it lifted such a heavy weight off my shoulders. I know its hard to let go, but I believe in you. you can do it. do not stay in a friendship if you are being used as a person who picks up the pieces, please. if you feel strongly that you want to stay in their life or you want them to stay in yours, talk to them and let them know how you feel. I know its hard, but it’ll be so so worth it I promise. yes there is a chance that they may be mad, but as long as you explain how you feel calmly and politely, thats all you can do. please don’t stress or hold back your feelings.

none of this is your fault. please don’t put this on yourself. if you backed out, it was because you were probably uncomfortable or didn’t feel like it, and thats okay. its better to follow your instincts than to go into a situation that you’d rather not be in (and I may be wrong on that because I obviously don’t know what you’re thinking and what the situation was, but I’m just guessing haha). I totally understand when you say people are going to drift away from you. its so hard to realize that people in your life are and it feels like your being crushed. you try to do everything in your power to keep them in your life, and it seems like whatever you do, it doesn’t help. I don’t know about you, but whenever I feel someone drifting away from me and I’m doing everything in my power to keep them but I can still sense that they’re going to leave, I start to have denial. you may feel the same, I don’t know, but if you do, just know that if a person leaves your life or drifts away, its going to be okay.

its okay and understandable that you have trust issues because of this, and the situations that you talked about.i understand that it sucks to feel heartbreak. please don’t hate yourself for being stepped on. think of it as a wake up call to take those people out of your life, or talk to them about how they’re treating you. you are not forgotten.

you are so so so loved. I know that its hard to hear that because your brain has decided for you that no one cares and you have always been forgotten, but I’m here to tell you that you are remembered, you always have been and you always will be. I’m so sorry that you feel this way and it breaks my heart that you feel forgotten and the last resort. I know I can’t say anything to make you feel 100% better, and I myself feel pretty much exactly how you feel at the moment, but I can tell you that I am 100% positive that you can and will get through this. I’m here to tell you that its okay to feel alone. its okay to be scared. it is not okay though to base the things that have happened to you, on yourself and who you are. yes, you’ve been kicked down, let down, forgotten about. yes, you have trust issues, and have a hard time letting people into your life. but that is okay! as long as you acknowledge whats happening and want to get better at letting the right people into your life and find ways to help yourself, and the trust issues that you have, you are going to make it. I promise. all you need is the want to get better. you can and will get through this. I believe in you and all of us on here believe in you. you are so so strong, you are such a smart and loving person. I know that you have what it takes to conquer these demons.

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Lys - I’m sorry that you’re suffering with all of this and that those things happened. You’re not irreplaceable. You’re not pathetic. You are my friend. You are beautiful. You are such a kind heart. We aren’t going anywhere. We will be here for you always. I will always be here and I know that you know that. If it possible to talk to your friend about how you feel that would be a whole load of weight off your shoulders. If you can’t do it in person, write it in a letter. I love you. I’m proud of you. You are never alone.

Hold fast

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Thanks guys. Just my mind being stupid and annoying as per usual.

Love you all.


Not stupid - just deceiving <3

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Hey @Lyss,

Your friends and family may love other people too, but the love they have for you is unique. For example, I love my mom and brother, and if something happened to my brother, I would be devastated. I don’t love him any more or any less than my mom, but it’s a unique love that only he can fill.

Although you don’t feel it yet, keep speaking it over yourself. Sometimes it takes a while for facts to sink into your heart (or re-wiring your brain to think a different way). But I promise that the more you tell yourself, the more you’ll start to believe it in your heart. Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

There are 5 different “love languages” and 5 different ways people express their appreciation toward something:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Physical touch
  4. Acts of service
  5. Giving and receiving gifts

It took me a long time to realize that, just because my father never talked to me during my childhood, doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t care about me. When I lived in his house, he would always do the chores around the house - even if I asked to help, he insisted that he would do them. This is a way to demonstrating #4) Acts of service. It sounds like one of your top languages is “words of affirmation” - however, be aware that just because some people may be weak in delivering that language doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t care about you.

I hope this helped a little. :slight_smile:


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Thanks guys, sometimes I just start to remember everything that happened and I start to think it’s bound to happen again.

I know it’s not, I just get into that mindset sometimes.

Love you all, thanks for the replies.