I'm scared and alone

Okay, so I hate the way I look. I feel like I don’t fit it, part of that mostly being a lesbian born into a partially homophobic household. When things got rough with my parents, them preferring my little sister more ahah I decided I wanted to move in with my Nan’s, I’m currently at my nans but not moved in. The reason for moving in is because I can’t stand my school. I walk in every day and want to end it all. My parents don’t want to move schools for me so I told myself I would stay at my Nan’s house. However, my man and grandad give off major homophobic vines. My grandad has said the f word before, but not to me and he’s said many things that I feel uncomfortable sharing any where. I wish I never came out to my family as even now at my Nan’s for this week she’s started yelling at me and saying really horrible things to me. I feel like crying but don’t want to cry in front of anyone. I really don’t know what to do anymore.

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I’m sorry you’re in such a unhappy situation. You need to have someone with whom you can share your feelings, and remind you of the truth - that you’re a good person, and don’t deserve emotional abuse. Is there anywhere else you can go?

You are not alone here. There are also support groups online. There may be a group in your area as well.

Here’s a hotline link: national hotline

Here’s a link to a bunch of organizations you may benefit from knowing about:
https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=146&rList=ROL

I think the first link can get you connected with some supportive people.

We can be supportive too. Stay in touch. Wings

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From: twixremix

hi crystal,

welcome in to this loving, supportive, and accepting community of heartsupport. so many people who have faced similar pain are with you and so many others who just need to remind you on how valuable your life is. the homophobia and general mistreatment you face is not the unconditional love you deserve, my friend. never lose sight that there are people out there who will accept and love you for all you are. as you probably already know, many people in our LGBTQIA+ community are faced with families who would rather let their own misunderstandings and hate keep someone as wonderful as you in their life. so what happens from there is finding our own respective found families. while they aren’t related by blood, they fill the gaps left by those who choose to surround you with negativity instead of the love and acceptance you deserve.

you deserve and will find better, my friend, so please don’t lose sight for a better tomorrow on your horizon. and this heartsupport community especially is here for you and will listen to whatever is on your heart that you want to share. always remember you are loved and hope & perseverance is within you.

love,
twix

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hey friend! it really bothers me when I hear about families not supporting their family members, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. I’ve had issues with my parents and their politics clashing with mine, but we’ve had to find a common hold-your-tongue kind of thing when we say things that the other doesn’t agree with. Just know that here, you are loved exactly how you are and we accept and support you…I know that’s not as “good” as your family supporting you, but you unfortunately can’t control what others think, you can just control how you react to what they say…so coming here and ranting about it is a good way to get out your frustrations without yelling directly at your family.

you’re loved :hrtlegolove:

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Crystal, welcome to the forum! Thank you for trusting us. I’m sorry that your family isn’t respecting you and it’s really horrible that your Grandmother yelled at you. I seems like your family needs to be educated and hopefully you can help them learn. Be yourself and I’m proud of you for coming out, that’s a big step. ~Mystrose

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From: Mamadien

Crystal, I’m glad you came to the HS community. I’m sorry that you are having such a difficult time with your family understanding who you are and how they are reacting to you. You deserve to be understood. Know that we want to understand and know who you are. You are loved here. You are valuable and always welcome here. I hope you feel that this is a safe place. That said, is there someone (a trusted adult) at school you can talk to about what you are going through? Many schools have support groups and counselors for people in the LBGTQ+ community. Is there one near you? If not, there are resources here at HS that you can look into. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone my friend. Please let us know how you are doing as you navigate this oh so painful situation. Again, you are loved.

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Welcome to HeartSupport and Thank you so much for posting here and can I first say that here you will find friends and support with absolutely no judgement what so ever so again thank you for being so brave and sharing this with us. It must be so hard to feel like you are unhappy at home and treated poorly at your grand parents, its not right that those words are thrown out there even if they are not thrown at you. I wonder if it is possible for you to sit down and talk to your grandparents about how those words make you feel and that they hurt you? would they be open to hearing you do you think? It would be lovely to be able to explain your feelings and be heard and understoond, to make life happier all round. I am sad that you wish you hadn’t come out, you are free to be whoever you want and should be loved for that. I hope being here in this community helps a little. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

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Thank you so, so much I genuinely feel better after reading the replies to my post. It’s nice to know that people actually care and understand what I’m going through

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